Soul Food

I’ve been known to exaggerate when it comes to explaining the importance of things that I’m passionate about, and I am truly obsessed with music. Just hearing the first few seconds of some of my favorite songs could take me to a completely different place in life, it can open up new perspectives and make the abstract seen and heard. With that being said, music is life…and I don’t think it that much of an overstatement. I mean, I can think of a few songs that have completely changed my perspective about many things in life, which brings me to this playlist of music that I feel best illustrates my life’s narrative. Making this playlist was a challenge. Searching for the quintessential, memory-triggering songs was no easy task, and my inner perfectionist couldn’t not take this seriously. I spent countless hours shuffling through old playlists, recounting specific memories, and more than a few times getting caught at work dancing to Michael Jackson, but eventually I ended up with a group of songs that felt very personal to me.

Now, where to start?

Even as a child I was especially intrigued by music. I was introduced to it by my family, who found every excuse to get together to sing and dance with each other. Whether we were at my grandmother’s house stepping to the oldies or waking up every Sunday to my mother’s voice echoing the singing greats throughout the house, music could always be heard where my family was. So, what better way to begin to playlist of my life than with the songs I first learned to love from my family?

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Started my life in the old, cold, and windy outskirts of Chicago…

LOVE CHILD - DIANA ROSS AND THE SUPREMES

I spent most of my time with my family growing up. Getting together at my grandparents or one of my great aunts’ houses was an almost daily tradition. There never even had to be an occasion, it could start with an unexpected visit and by the end of the night I was finding my way to another piece of chicken through a dancing crowd of relatives. The speakers blared with the rousing voices of the late 20th century, and Diana Ross and The Supremes were always in heavy rotation—so much so, I recall, that I couldn’t stop singing “Stop in the Name of Love” over and over again until it quickly started annoying my family. I remember hearing “Love Child” for the first time and wishing I could play it again over and over. I of course didn’t fully understand the lyrics yet, but the song sounded like home, and hearing Diana Ross’s all too familiar coo made it even easier to keep the song in my brain. After that I couldn't stop singing “but I’ll always love youuuu, always love you-hoo-hoo”…now that I think about it, I blame Diana Ross for my love addiction.

This song still sounds like home, though. It reminds me of being with my family, and hearing the music of their times always brings me a warm feeling of nostalgia. Now that I’m older and can interpret the lyrics better, I can better understand the message of “Love Child”. It makes what might be a heavy topic to people lighter, and I think it represents how stories should be told through music.

KEEP YA HEAD UP - TUPAC

I think my favorite thing about music is how undeniably close it is to being poetry. Both are personal and expressive in a way that is unparalleled by any other form of art. One of the most expressive and poetic styles of music to me is rap. I would say that my dad is the reason for most of the earlier memories I have of hip-hop music. I never really heard him listening to any other genre of music as often, and every time he'd come pick up my sister and I, we'd know he was near by the familiar blasting speakers and booming bass outside our window. I remember we'd laugh about how the bass made our bodies vibrate. Tupac was among the many artists my dad favored, he even named our first dog Pac to salute that. Though, I chose to include him in this playlist not only because of that, but because of my own respect I've grown for his music and the impact he had on black culture. Tupac transcended beyond music and became one of my favorite poets.

"Keep Ya Head Up" is a heartfelt song that touches on many significant issues in the Black community, mostly the struggles of black women, and how they should be celebrated and appreciated.

SHE'S GONE - DARYL HALL & JOHN OATES

I have my stepdad to thank for introducing me to Hall and Oates. “She’s Gone” is one of the many songs of theirs that I obsess over, I could do a full playlist of my life in Hall and Oates if I could. They know exactly how to let the instruments set the mood, and I would say “She’s Gone” certainly shows off with its plethora of instruments, from the smoothing saxophone to the intensifying horns and guitar. I love the buildup moments of this song, and from my stepdad’s attempts at hitting the peak of those vocal buildups, I could tell he loved them too. He also loved putting the top down in his Mustang, so passing cars could witness both our pseudo performances.

UNDER THE BRIDGE - RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

I would say my mother has probably had the biggest influence on my music taste growing up and even now as an adult. Most of the songs that she introduced me to are still in heavy rotation in my playlists and opened me up to explore different corners of music that I’ve fallen in love with. “Under the Bridge” by Red Hot Chili Peppers is a song I listen to very frequently. It introduced me to alternative rock, and I haven’t turned back since. I’m a fool for guitar, and this song pulls me right in with its riffs that swiftly intertwine around the vocals. It all just works, and the lyrics have been so unfortunately put into my own perspective that I must take a moment to appreciate my mother for passing this one down. She may not know, but it has gotten me through many painful and lonely moments. I struggle with anxiety and at times, life can feel very isolating. Nevertheless, I will always think of her when I hear this song, and that is special to me.

Lonely as I am, together we cry.

ADDICTED - KELLY CLARKSON

I can still remember so vividly my mother singing her soul into this song and playing this CD probably every time we got in the car. I was so young, but I remember the passion my mom had while singing it excited me, and when I got my first iPod, this song was amongst the many she had downloaded for herself, since then it’s been a shared favorite. Kelly Clarkson is an angel for blessing us with the entire Breakaway album, but “Addicted” will always have a special place in my heart. The power in her voice makes it nearly impossible for me not to belt along to the just as powerful lyrics, but the entire mood changes in this song. There’s a certain darkness in the tone as it describe what seems like a connection that has grown suffocating and toxic. I may not know who or what Kelly is singing about, but I am just as intimidated by its presence. The angsty tone she brings along with the heavy instrumental creates the perfect pairing. Even the instruments in the song sound as if they’re a warning signal. They build up a foggy ambience, creating the ideal setting for this story.

What I love most about these lyrics is how transparent they are. I’m shamelessly guilty about being a hopeless romantic, however love never fails to arrive with all its baggage, and it has proven itself to be a little too much for even me at times. Still, it can be hard to let go, but this song has helped me through my fair share of encounters with toxic love. It has also helped me through other leaks of toxicity in my life, like my anxiety. A few days after having a very frightening panic attack, “Addicted” happened to come across my playlist for the first time in a while. That day for the first time, I heard the lyrics to this song from a different point of view. It wasn’t about love or dealing with a specific person, it was about how I feel about myself when I let negative thoughts control me. My relationship with anxiety has also been a hard one to navigate, and the chorus of this song captures the stress of being stuck in this maze perfectly; not being able to breathe, sleep, or think without an anxious thought interrupting. No matter who or what I think about when I sing this song, it still remains one of the best ways to release some tension.

While we're on the subject of releasing tension...

THERE'S HOPE - INDIA.ARIE

"There's Hope" by India.Arie is happiness in a song.

It doesn’t cost a thing to smile

You don’t have to pay to laugh

You better thank God for that.

BE OK - CHRISETTE MICHELE (WILL.I.AM)

Chrisette Michele is an early discovered treasure for me. I can’t remember exactly when I first heard “Be Ok”, but I do recall hearing Chrisette’s distinctive voice also very often on the radio in my mother’s car when I was younger. She sounded like a sunny day. I relistened to the full I Am album first the first time in a while a few years ago. I was going through a lot at that time, and hearing the songs on that album gave me such a good dose of nostalgia, especially “Be Ok”. Since then, it’s been another heavily rotated song. A few weeks ago, I was dealing with a romantic situation I’d been feeling down about for a while. I decided to get up and go spend some time doing something for myself, and when I got in the car the first song on shuffle was “Be Ok”. I enjoy those moments.

I NEED YOU - ALICIA KEYS

Since I was a child, Alicia Keys has always been a favorite singer of mine. I've had many good memories and impromptu karaoke sessions with her music, and she will always be a go-to for those times when I want to listen to some really good singing. Her voice is commanding but smooth, and her music has this bluesy feel that always flows waves of nostalgia through my mind. "I Need You" is a beautiful song of love, it uplifts me and reminds me how essential it is to the flow of life. When I hear this song, I think about all the people in my life that I love, and how closely these lyrics hit home. Alicia's music is important to me because it inspired me to start singing as a child, her songs were the first I used to teach myself how to sing. It is artists like this that I am truly grateful for.

SPACESHIP - KANYE WEST (GLC & CONSEQUENCE)

Kanye West not only makes great music, but he teaches people how to dream big. There are so many songs by Kanye that I love and have good memories of. The College Dropout was full of chart-toppers, I couldn't go anywhere without hearing hits like "Through the Wire" or "Jesus Walks" playing on the radio, but "Spaceship" was the first song of his that I heard on my own. It made me fall in love with his style of hip-hop, and almost all of his music has been in my library since. I think "Spaceship" really showcases how effortless Kanye makes rapping sound, he tells a story through his writing in a way that not many others can do, and I love the story of this song. It is a much-needed reminder that hard work will always pay off, and that patience is a virtue.

LA LA LAND - DEMI LOVATO

2008 was such a great time for me. I had no bills, barely any schoolwork, and an almost unlimited amount of playtime. It would be tempting to go back and relive these days if I could skip out right before the years I was introduced to a new reality called “growing up”. One of my favorite activities back then was channel surfing through the holy trinity of children’s television, Disney, Nickelodeon, and Cartoon Network. Those Disney binges lead me to artists like Demi Lovato. When I first heard her sing, I was so impressed by her vocal abilities, and when she released her first album I began to gravitate towards her punky attitude and high energy. "La La Land" became a favorite, but I chose to include it in this playlist because of the unescapable bond we created after quite an embarrassing memory. My self-sabotaging tendencies induced me to perform this song at my summer camp talent show. Looking back now, I admire my eight year old self's boldness for this song choice, however it didn't go as well as I had hoped. I completely froze and started incoherently mumbling the words of the song in front of all the kids and counselors at camp, including my crush... God bless me for trying.

Nonetheless, this memory with this specific song is still just as special to me as my less cringey memories. I always have a laugh with my inner child about this one.

I'M NOT OKAY (I PROMISE) - MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

My Chemical Romance is notorious for making brilliant anthems for the broken, beaten, and damned. I discovered this classic in middle school, when I happened to stumble upon a whole new world of rock music and, unlike my sister who constantly banged on our shared wall, I was pleasantly surprised by what I heard. Rock has some of the most emotional lyrics, and for some reason shouting these words out just feels better. "I'm Not Okay" is full of crazed energy. The rush I feel after singing this feels like the rush of all these anxious feelings leaving my body. I can't sit down while listening to it because I need the space to fully let go and snap into a different personality. This song is two of my favorite things, dramatic and intense, but it also helps me remember that it's okay to not be okay sometimes, and it's certainly okay to scream it into the void.

I'm okay now.

CREEP - RADIOHEAD

Since I first heard "Creep", it's poetic verses have been trapped in my brain. Its a song about love that feels unattainable, and its mellow tone beautifully compliments this offbeat love ballad. "Creep" describes a feeling I know too well, but usually can't express, and that's why I'm grateful songs like this exist.

When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

You're just like angel

Your skin makes me cry.

DAUGHTERS - JOHN MAYER

John Mayer is another notable king of the strings. He drew me into his melodies with his soothing, soulful voice, and unparalleled expertise on the guitar. “Daughters” is such a beautifully crafted song with a just as beautiful message, a timeless gem with a blues feel. I can’t help but smile and cry at the same time while listening to this song.

Some songs that remind me God is with me always:

RIVER - LEON BRIDGES

BORN TIRED - JHENE AIKO

TRA TA TA - CHLOE X HALLE

TELL HIM - LAURYN HILL

That lineup is always enough to restore my faith.

LOVE YOURZ - J. COLE

When 2014 Forest Hills Drive came out, this song instantly became one of my favorites. J. Cole has always been a favorite artist of mine, and I was predictably impressed with the quality of his third album, he has always been known to rap about important issues in life, and “Love Yourz” had the most important message in my opinion, appreciating your life for what it is.

No such thing as a life that's better than yours.

MAD - SOLANGE (LIL WAYNE)

"Mad" teaches me the importance of being patient with the myself and the world. A friend played this song for me when they noticed I was a bit tense, and I am thankful because it served as the mirror I needed in that moment, and still gets me through frustrating moments today. When I find myself in a situation that compels me to get out of character, I ask myself "where'd your love go?"

STARSTRUCK - JUICE WRLD

Legendary.

EVERYTHING I AM - KANYE WEST (DJ PREMIER)

Kanye West is one of the most inspiring artists to me. He made music that was not only extremely relatable to me, but also changed the way I thought hip hop could sound. His songs remind me of the same oldies I would hear as a child, which isn't surprising considering his love of sampling music from the generations before him. Even without a sample, Kanye can still sound just as soulful with his flawlessly engineered beats and profound hooks. "Everything I Am" exemplifies everything that I love about Kanye West and his music. The piano heavy beat gives it that familiar soulful feel, and the lyrics convey his indifference towards peoples' opinions about what they think he should be. Hearing this song is a warm reminder that I am exactly who and where I need to be. Listening to it really brings me back home, and makes me think about all the things that have made me who I am today.

Everything I'm not made me everything I am.

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I am extremely appreciative of all of these artists and their work, these songs have been apart of my life for as long as I can remember, and will always be.