Say What...?

Hello again, all.

For as much as I love my vintage animation/comedy, my figure collections, or reflecting back on my past errors in judgments and whether or not THAT could have, unfortunately, made me part of someone else's #MeToo story, I do love my 80's rock, 90's country, and 80's/90's pop. I could listen to it for a goo two/three hours a sit vs. a row of maybe two or three "modern" songs.

And by "listening," I mean singing/belting/wailing/whining with all that I'm worth (hear "Oh, Sherrie," "November Rain," "Home Sweet Home," or "Bringin' On the Heartbreak"/"Love Bites"). But this isn't about my baritone-lite butchering of ballads.

THIS is about misheard/misinterpreted lyrics (because, let's face it, sometimes the original singer doesn't enunciate).

I'm also sticking, for the most part to tracks that are prominently in English (So Falco gets a free pass for the song that goes "Hot Potatoes, hot PotaTOES! HAAAAAHT POTATOES! Hot Potatoes, hot PotaTOES!...Oh-0h; hot potatoes! (Won't you rock me, hot potatoes?)" just before they switch to GERMAN. [by the way, other than that, this would be a great choice; because I'm being a bit snarky about this, but I'm well aware that it's called "Rock Me, Amadeus."]).

First, before I go to the list of misheard musings, I'd like to get some DISHONORABLE MENTIONS out of the way...

+Let's settle something, "THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT" has to be one of the strangest songs ever, on the surface-level interpretation. First, let's dissect its opening.

*"WEEMA-WAKA-WEEMA-WAKA...!"

Oh; you mean Fozzie Bear DIDN'T contribute to the chanting chorus of "...Lion...?" (WAKA-WAKA-WAKA!) Okay; let's try this again.

*"A-Wimo-Weh; A-Wimo-Weh..."

Now, I haven't mastered Swahili yet; and certainly don't know how to transcribe it. But that, still, is the LEAST of this song's offenses.

Verse: The singer is adamant about keeping things QUIET in the jungle, lest they wake the lion.

(Full) Chorus (at full VOLUME): *"A-WIMO-WEH!!! A-WIMO-WEH!!!..."

Subchorus: Original lead singer begins an air-raid siren screech as the lion, who is clearly now awake, has begun to devour him from the ankle up. (Our newly awakened, and now cranky, King of Beasts started from the offending wailer's wrong end. #IsaidwhatIsaid).

+ If not for karaoke mode on "Rockband 4," I STILL wouldn't be able to make heads or tails of the verses to "She Drives Me Crazy" by the Fine Young Cannibals. (Seriously, E-NUN-CI-ATE!) However, the chorus is obnoxiously infectious (and, at four years old, I was convinced that the VIDEO was the highest form of ART when I first saw it); especially when, for all that I knew, the first VERSE went...

I get stuck!

...In a web of fear.

Daisy Dukes!

Goss'a'meer.

...So, yeah; vocalizing along with the words present was an eye-opener that I sure might have used for the past 26 years between the song's '89 popularity and 2015 when it joined the Rock Band library...

+ Let's clear something else up right now; No, Bryan Adams did NOT "have his first real s@x dream (in the Summer of '69)."

Nor did he play THAT 'til his fingers bled.

...Okay; that joke was out of line. Anyway...

+The last part of the chorus to A-Ha's "Take on Me" is supposed to go "...in a day or TWOOOOOOO!" #yourewelcome

+Maybe "The Boss" intended HIS version of "Blinded By the Light" to go

"...revved up like a DEUCE,

Another runner the in night."

The radio, like a three year old who knows very well how obnoxious they're being, insists on subjecting us to the Manfred Mann version of "Blinded...;" and, no matter HOW many times I hear that, not ONCE does Mr. Mann claimed to be "REVVED up like a DEUCE"!

...Think about it.

+As fun as it would have been for the first words to be heard out of "The Lion King" to have been "PEHHHHHHH-N-SYL-VANNNNNNNIAH!" over the shadows of the Sahara, "The Circle of Life" ACTUALLY opens

"NANTS INGONYAMA, BAGITHI BABA!"

(Here comes a lion, father).

Bless you, Google.

+ The time that music legend, Paul Simon, really took the modest road and SPECIFICALLY gave Joe/Jane Average permission to call to him as a cat would summon its servant. ("CALL MEEEE-OWWWWWWW; Call meow.")

*************************

Okay; and THOSE were just the "Dishonorable MENTIONS!"

On with some TRUE contenders...

"CARRIBEAN QUEEN" (Billy Ocean)

"Carribean Queen" is an extremely infectious, upbeat song brought to you by a man in the 1980s who could once get away with just about anything set to music (ie: "Get Out of My Dreams [Get Into My Car]")

An infectious, upbeat tempo made this song great. Now let's explore the chorus to "CAR-RI-BEAN Queen" (as, being a chorus, it comes up more than once)...

Song title: "Carribean Queen"

Song's CHORUS: "Cari-BOU Queen!"

Carribean...

...and Caribou

What happened here, Billy?

"TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT!" (Eddie Money/...someone named Ronnie...)

For the fact that Bruce Springsteen, John Mellencamp, and Bryan Adams all still get fairly steady airplay (within good reason,) am I the ONLY one who remembers the late Eddie Money; for a tune NOT called "Two Tickets to Paradise?"

...Okay; if we're talking about underrated music, "Take Me Home..." is a bad example, as it's a very close SECOND when it comes to music that Eddie is remembered for.

Anyway (again with the chorus), one part of the chorus always DID kind of perplex me...

Me: "Lis-ten, honey, just like what I said..."

Eddie: "...Listen, honey, just like Ronnie said..."

Don't get me wrong; this "Ronnie" in question was gorgeous and had the vocal range to ANSWER Eddie. But, where did she come from; and did she have a last name?

"SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT" (COREY HART).

Infectious beats, ridiculous lyrics, and...meh...a MEDIOCRE music video that may or may not have had a story to tell. Quintessential 80s (not every 80's song could be "Under Pressure" and not every music video could be "Thriller" [/"Beat It"/"Smooth Criminal"/"You Might Think"/"Money For Nothing."]) But, for a two-hit wonder (could "Never Surrender" really qualify as joining "Sunglasses..." as a HIT?), Corey Hart gave it the old college try.

Now...

Lyrics that make a lick of sense in the middle of "Sunglasses at Night:" "Don't put (push?) the blame on the guy in shades, oh no!"

I-kid-you-not-REAL-lyrics: "Don't SWITCH THE BLADE on the guy in shades, oh no!..."

Whoa; okay then, Mr. "Sunglasses at Night!" Moving on...

"KYRIE" (Mr. Mister).

(TW: What sounds like EXTREME sacrilege incoming...)

I was quite a tiny Catholic when I first heard "Kyrie" and probably wasn't familiar with "Kyrie E-LEISON" yet.

Fair point.

Besides, I blame Messrs. "Mr. Mister" for being the ones who repeat over and over again, with high feeling...

"CARRY A LASER down this road that I must travel!

CARRY A LASER through the dark-ness of the nIIIIiiIIIght!"

It's infectious; and it's very easy to STILL sub in when singing along if I'm feeling humorous. (Okay; THAT'S sacrilege. I'll see...someone...in confession...)

"REBEL YELL" (Billy Idol).

Again, I was quite little when "Rebel Yell" came pouring out of the radio to my ears for the first time and I had NO concept of what it was about yet (thank goodness).

For all that I knew, someone's lawn was overgrown and someone had to ...

"MOW! MOW! MOWWW! (WOWWWW!)"

Apparently, I never grasped why they'd be running the lawnmower "in the Midnight hour." Maybe that was for the best for young innocence...

"HERE I GO AGAIN" (Whitesnake).

Whitesnake's quintessential song and music video (RIP, Tawny Kitaen; I still can't believe you're gone now).

Anyway, let's talk about...

Me (with feeling): "...Like a TWISTER, I was born to walk alone!"

Coverdale and Company (with conviction; and confidence in the CORRECT words): "...Like a DRIFTER, I was born to walk alone!"

Whitesnake made sense; and I was ready to descend upon Kansas and rip Dorothy and Toto off to Oz. Thanks again, Rockband; now I know...

"THE FLAME" (Cheap Trick).

A sensitive ballad from the same souls responsible for "I Want You to Want Me" or "Surrender" was going to be a touchy subject.

Honestly, I love "The Flame;" diehard fans of Cheap Trick's edgier days might be a little harder to convince.

The words to "The Flame" might be the tiniest offense to those who really hated Cheap Trick switching to their softer sides. And then there's me, whining along to the best of my abilities...

Me: "I'm goin crazy; I'm losin sleep! AN EMPTY FIRE BURNIN' WAY TOO DEEP over YOUouOUouUUUU!"

It has to be CLOSE, right? The candle symbolism is there; "An empty fire burning way too deep..." simply means that he loved her a bit too much and still wasn't quite over her. Right; no???

"I'm going crazy; I'm losing sleep! I'm in too far; I'm in way too deep over YOUUU!"

Much love, "...Flame;" but I STILL say that my rendition was kind of close and could have made sense. Fight me!

"DUST ON THE BOTTLE" (DAVID LEE MURPHY).

"There might be a little dust on the BIBLE; but don't let it fool ya..."

...Wait; what was this song TITLED again? Oh; right...

"TO BE WITH YOU" (MR. BIG)

...No; Mr. Big is not some shady, Saturday-Morning-Cartoon like evil businessman (okay, THIS Mr. Big isn't). No; it's not a pseudonym for the Notorious B.I.G.

Mr. Big could have been...well, bigger. In a case of really bad timing, Mr. Big came along with a couple of radio-friendly hair metal ballads smackdab in the middle of the transition to the Seattle Grunge scene. (Firehouse was similarly ill-fated; and was a far better band).

Anyway, this is about "Mr. Big" and, specifically, "To Be With You;" especially the part of the chorus that goes...

"...Waited on a line (preposition) (indistinct beneath insistence of ["WAITED ON A LINE!"])

Okay; so what did I miss here?

A. "I'm you-know-who!"

B. "...with Pikachu."

C. "...Of greens and blues...

...JUST TO BE THE NEXT TO BE WITH YOU!"

(Yes; for as iconic as B might have been BEFORE the Pokemon craze hit North America, it's C).

"CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING" (REO Speedwagon).

I'm deviating from screwing up the chorus and moving onto the second verse.

Imagine, if you will, that I am thinking of my crush du jour. As the images of romance play out in my mind...

"...and it always seems that I'M FINE WHEN I'M WITH YOU, GIRL!

As you take me to the places THAT ARE ALWAYS ON MY MIND!"

Uh...huh.

Okay; take it, Mr. REO...

"...and it always seems that I'm fo-llow-ing you, girl;

'Cause you take me to the places that alone, I'd never find!"

Okay; THAT misinterpretation was indefensible.

Well, that's almost it for the list; except...

AFRICA (TOTO)

Okay; you KNEW this was coming somewhere!

Me (and, don't deny it, you, and that person over there, and her, and everyone EXCEPT Toto): "I MISS the rains down in AAAA-FRI-CAHHHH!"

Toto: "...I bless the rains down in AAAA-FRI-CAHHHH!"

Ohhhhhh...

(Well, yeah; the African plains are known for being DRY and ARID. It would be kind of difficult for them to MISS something that they rarely experience).

I hope that you all enjoyed this break from the "serious" issues, folks.

These butchered classics and MORE; coming soon out of a radio a speaker and to an earworm near you. You may thank me...