Robbie Williams: Manchester Concert.

I saw Robbie Williams at Co-op live, Manchester on 10/06/2025

I have severe anxiety problems brought on by PTSD, which is because I was a victim of violence in the past.

I almost did not go, because I felt ashamed of it, and I was worried about people seeing me in the middle of an attack, but I chose to brave it for Rob, since I remembered my husband looking after him in a healthcare setting, and I had the joy of talking to him at that time.

He is still considered one of our 'best friends,' even though we haven't heard from him for a while, and my husband has not seen him for a while.

I kept checking the crowd, wary of being hurt again, and wondering if any of the people who had hurt me were in the crowd.

I could not control the voice in my head telling me that I would be hurt again.

And,

Once more, I hung my head in shame. I am training to sing, and one day, I will be the one facing crowds.

I was terrified, but I was determined to hang in there for Rob.

I did join in with some of the songs because singing along to Rob's songs helps me to deal with that pain.

"I'm worth it. I deserve to be here." I told myself, though I did not feel that way.

I felt small and out of place.

I was surrounded by thousands of fans who seemed more confident than me, and I was approached by a few who had way more self-esteem than I did.

Rob sang many of my favourite songs at his show, but I broke when he sang 'Angels'.

Music video courtesy of YOUTUBE: (Accessed by Author: Dated 22/06/2025)

This is my song for my Grandma who passed away many years ago, at a time when I was going through the trauma of losing my children to a local authority because I was too unwell to look after them. One of my children was placed for adoption the day after my Grandma passed away.

It wasn't my choice to have my child placed for adoption. It was a legal choice made by a court and my local authority, due to my mental health.

I fell apart during that time. I felt criminalized by the local authority and punished for going through something I didn't bring on myself.

This song was also a song that I listened to over and over again when I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Scarborough.

I lost my identity after hiding on the streets from a horrific abusive situation at a homeless hostel which the owners had disguised as a hotel during that time.

This was before losing my children for a second time.

When I was admitted, I did not know my name, or where I had come from, and I was very confused about what had happened to me.

Angels was the first song I heard, and it triggered my memory into remembering my love of music.

My Grandma was my 'Angel.'

She was a 'second Mum' to me because her love and care remained always true, even when there was distance between us for so long after we moved away from the area I was being hurt in.

Angels is my go-to song when I feel like the world doesn't care anymore.

It reminds me that my Grandma is always there, watching and guiding me; and it helps me to carry on in life when I feel like giving up.

I felt like a total misfit, even though deep down inside, I knew I'd done the right thing by being there,

because this was Robbie Williams, the singer whose music has saved my life many times, including during a time when I felt like ending my life.

I wanted to pay my respects to this wonderful man whose songs have and still, get me through those days when my mental health is at its worst.

I knew that Rob and his family were also going through tough times, and I would have felt worse for not showing up.

We got near the end of the show, and Rob shone the spotlight on us. I desperately wanted to go and sing with him because he sang 'I Love My Life,' which is a song that holds a special meaning for me, but I could not bring myself to go to that stage.

I felt gutted because I couldn't reach Rob or tell anyone what was happening. I was shaking and crying while my husband held me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

A team member asked me if I was okay, but I felt too embarrassed and ashamed to tell them what was happening. I simply told them that I was fine.

My husband knew that I wasn't fine. He was caring and compassionate. At one point I nearly left the show, but he did his best to ensure that I got to see the whole show.

He knew that I would regret it if I left, and he was right.

Music Video courtesy of YOUTUBE: (Accessed by Author: Dated 22/06/2025)

I had two anxiety attacks during that show, and the panic I felt was horrible, but I did enjoy seeing Rob on stage.

It is a moment that I will treasure for a lifetime.

I am training to be a singer, and one day I will have to face my fear; especially as I am about to release my very first cover song.

I love what I do, and my tutor Fran Montignani Rees, has described my vocals as being as strong as Robs!

I stood in my most recent lesson, jaw-dropped and speechless as she praised my vocals, something I thought I had lost.

She often listens to me singing along to Angels using the Simply Sing App which we use to aid my training both in the studio and at home.

I often burst into song at random moments. I turn everything into a song as my husband and Fran have witnessed.

I can't help myself!

Singing also helps me to relieve some of the anxiety. I feel better when I sing, and I have been doing it since childhood, but it is only recently that I have felt confident about taking it further because there were events in my childhood that stopped me from doing so.

I have read about stars feeling that they have to hide their anxiety so that they can perform in the way that the crowd expects, and I have seen a lot of stars talking about how it makes them feel when they can't perform well.

They are often faced with disappointed fans who guilt trip them and leave them feeling ashamed of themselves.

I know how that feels because the same feelings of shame affect me when I have an attack in the crowd.

Anxiety is hard to describe, particularly in the middle of an attack. It isn't always noticed until the sufferer points it out.

People with anxiety are often shamed and guilt-tripped for allowing their feelings to show, whilst on the other hand, they deal with regular feelings of embarrassment, fear, and guilt every day.

There is a myth that if someone feels anxious or guilty for feeling so, then they must have done something wrong.

This is not the case, many feel anxious and guilty feelings for having gone through the trauma.

They often feel they are to blame for something that was done to them, and not something they have caused.

When we headed back to the hotel, I was elated but it was mixed with feelings of shame, guilt and sadness at the same time.

I was exhausted but I couldn't sleep because my thoughts would not switch off.

When I finally got home, I had another episode of tears, yet at the same time, I smiled through them.

Did I do the right thing?

Yes, I did.

I do not regret attending Rob's show. My only sadness was not being able to go down to that stage, but maybe next time, I might surprise him!