Not Waiting for Prince Charming

Once upon a time, a girl waited for her prince charming to come along, but instead of reflecting on the fact he’d yet to find her, she focused on her independence. This girl thrived on making her own decisions while her married friends laughed and whined about not telling their husbands about their latest purchase. This girl simply smiled back at them and started to sing to herself, Cheap Thrills sang by the Bellas from Pitch Perfect. This girl didn’t need money to have fun, but at least she got to make the decisions for herself.

In the moments she starts to feel down about the couples holding hands, wishing she had someone that would hold her in those few times she feels alone, she focuses instead on songs like Love Myself by Hailee Steinfeld. Being able to love yourself is wildly important, and the more she understands how to love herself, the better prepared she is for the day she again falls in love. Beyond that, her beautiful daughter is her constant inspiration, to be the best version of herself so that her daughter too understands how to love herself. Then there are songs like, That’s My Girl by Fifth Harmony, that offer utter support for women and girls, and nothing feels to ring quite so true to a mother who is proud of her daughter for already being a beautifully kind and independent little girl.

Sometimes the girl watches couples fighting, and she feels lucky that she doesn’t have to worry about fights or relationship strains anymore. She’s been single for 7 years, since her divorce from her daughter’s dad, and she’s been happy. Life has certainly had its struggles, but she holds onto the thought that a room can feel just as lonely if you’re with the wrong person, and she was happy that her days alone felt fuller than those she’d spent with the wrong person. They were both happier now, and she was grateful for that truth. The song Stronger by Kelly Clarkson is a wonderful anthem that helps remind the single girls who’ve been through hell, that being alone doesn’t not equal loneliness.

And when Valentine’s Day comes around, and everyone around her smiles and laughs, oohs and ahs, and holds tight to their ‘soulmates’, she doesn’t let herself feel bad. This girl, she stands proud, smiling as she holds her daughter’s hand, knowing that she has the best Valentine of all in her sweet child who taught her what unconditional love truly looks like. I Got You by Ciara is the song she sings inside her head whenever she listens to her daughter’s stories about school—the good ones and the ones that make her ache because she can’t hold her daughter’s hand all the time. The song that her daughter has held onto all this time, though, the song sang to her since she was only 2, was A Wonderful World. She still watches the videos she took of her 3-year-old trying to stay awake as she sweetly sings the song about all the good in the world, and it lets that mama know that she’s doing something right.

Love is bigger than Valentine’s Day, and it looks different depending on who you are looking at. Love means knowing how to love yourself, so you are able to love others properly. You may have guessed it already, but the girl in this story is me. I have been single for 7 years, raising my daughter alone, and it has been some of the happiest years of my life. I relish in my singledom, enjoying the freedom and independence I’m offered by being my own boss. I love the fact that I can spoil myself when I want, buying myself books, taking me and my daughter out to dinner, and going to the movies whenever my daughter and I wish it. But even with this freedom, it doesn’t change the hope I have for the person I’m meant for. I have no issues being alone, but I know in my heart that someday the mystical ‘one’ will enter my life, and I hope that whoever he is, he will continue to let me be free. I definitely don’t live my life waiting for ‘the one’, rather I live my life fully daily. That is what love means to me, and there are thousands of songs I could sing to share that reality in my life, but the final song I will leave you with is Have it All by Jason Mraz. To me, this song is more than a love song, but rather a song that shows that whoever comes into my life, whether through a romantic relationship or otherwise, I want them to have the best. Love means wishing others well always… at least, that’s what I think.