Musical Digest: rewind ft bladee x charlie xcx

I press play and hit “rewind”... perhaps it’s confusing, but despite its desire to go back in time, I play it on a loop.

By this point, every Charlie XCX angel has declared their favorite track off of the brat remix compilation.

“Rewind” ft. bladee is a track that speaks to me with its themes of turmoil and a yearning escape from the chaos of complex emotions. While its collaborators are trying to escape the confusing roadmap of navigating sudden fame, something that they have been chasing for so long…I’m trying to escape the perils of my own poached heart.

How could he hurt me like that and not expect any ink to spill?

As a 30 year old, I have everything I could ever want and need. I’ve always dreamed of a beautiful fountain pen…because unlike Hemingway, I don’t want to drown my sorrows in alcohol. My fountain ink pen needs to spill the gush of the wound that is currently piercing my heart somehow, though.

This starts with blasting my favorite track at the moment.

Here’s the thing.

Physically…I may be here. Mentally? I’m still under the strobe lights at the United Center.

The “Rewind” remix touches upon things that I myself am currently pondering; self doubt and trying to find myself in a world run amok, a world so disturbing that feels like an existential fever dream.

Both artists on the track deal with their own complexities of their own emotions which conjures up a song that truly resonates. Like, really, really resonates.

“Sometimes I just wanna rewind/wanna turn back time to a different time” but ultimately what we’re craving is the feeling we experienced in that previous precious moment.

I wish I had frozen that kiss. Framed it. Decorated it with a cute little bow and stayed in that moment of ecstasy forever. I think the reason that this track speaks to me, in particular, is because the yearning is on constant repeat.

“Maybe I need a reality check/sometimes now I just gotta say less” connects with me on another level because my mouth often has a mind of its own…and sometimes it’s better to just sit with your feelings.

Like now.

“When I look in the mirror I don’t see no reflect” because I can’t reconnect with the girl that has been known for always wearing her heart on her sleeve. It’s almost like she wants to keep to herself and shut the world out until the poached wound heals.

“All this money makes me competitive/gotta get more, living all excess” which is a lyric I immediately resonated with. It just so happens that working long hours is a coping mechanism because perhaps an expensive bottle of tequila and some truffle oil pasta will soothe the wound agape?

“I must confess I’m under stress/turn back time again” because all I want to do is throw up in the tub and go to bed forever.

Too much?

Alright, let’s tie this up in a beautiful shimmering bow. The truth is…we can’t rewind time. We can’t kiss again. I can’t reach you again because I deleted everything except the photographs and I can’t deny it happened. I wouldn’t dream of denying it.

Just like the outro of this iconic track:

“Requiem for everything/rewind, remind me”

I can see myself getting that tatted somewhere, but perhaps once I finally make amends with my broken heart.