Missouri: A Raw Original Song About Obsession, Longing, and Being Replaced

Verse 1

I–

I just want to apologise

I realise I've done it too many times

But I know who you are

Don't let my anger take it too far

I–

I just want to apologise

After everything I still think you're a great guy

And you probably would have made the perfect dad

And I know that you will

Someday you find the girl who makes it easy

I–

I just want to apologise

Chorus

Thanks for letting me be her for a while

I'm not mainly grateful, but I do feel the smile

Creep up to my cheeks

When I think of all the weeks

I could spend by your side

So until we both collide

On some shopping spree

In Missouri

I'll be quiet

Verse 2

I feel absolutely lost in the night

I tried to remember how you look but I'm blind

I'm losing who you are

Please don't help me take it too far

I feel like nothing about this is right

I don't want to take up all of your time

But I still over obsessively write

I'm sorry for the album

You didn't ask for a personal tantrum

I don't want to keep you from your wife

Your wife

Chorus

Thanks for letting me be her for awhile

I'm not mainly grateful

But I do feel a smile

Creep up to my cheeks

When I think of all the weeks

I could spend by your side

So until we both collide

On some shopping spree–

Bridge

My grandparents are rooting for and missing you

They send their best with me ping-pong, darts and pálinka days

You're welcome anytime

Even if you find her

Chorus

Thanks for letting me be her for a while

I'm not mainly grateful, but I do feel the smile

Creep up to my cheeks

When I think of all the weeks

I could spend by your side

So until we both collide

On some shopping spree

In misery

I'll be quiet

Our birthplace shapes so much of who we are, who we want to be, and who we become.

I left my homeland when I was six, and never looked back.

Through all my journeys, I’ve learned that relationships are the most complicated spaces of all—yet, paradoxically, the ones that feel most like both hell and home.

Breaking up a trauma bond I clung to like air was an addiction my 19-year-old brain wasn’t ready to break.

The harsh, simple way you can be left behind is gut-wrenching. It reminds you that, in the end, we are always just one person’s change of mind away from being utterly alone.

And we forget ourselves—

Who we are for ourselves,

Why we are so much more than promise rings or basement-dwelling video gamers.

I opened my broken heart and let her cry, whispering words that seemed to pull me deeper into desperation. She would’ve chosen misery, monotony, and marriage just to keep love around.

But expressing myself again gives my heart a shocking jolt—I know it's what he left me for.

Still, I must. Expression and art are who I am. And even if every word makes me a hypocrite, I’ll take it. I would rather be my authentic self than hide behind a fake persona and people-pleasing.

Silence is a lie. It hides you from the world. They say it can speak a thousand words, but when I use it in this song, it speaks to the silencing of my efforts. A resignation that I’m done trying to convince him—and maybe even myself—that my honesty is good, that what I feel is good, that who I am is good.

I used to have a lot of exceptions, but now the only 'if' I have left is this:

If I’m at the end of the world, and I am cornered, with no other road to take, I’ll try again.

But not all relationships are meant to last. And the beauty of finding yourself, starting over, recalculating what you need and want—it’s powerful, even when it feels like you’re at your weakest.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him, couldn’t stop crying, so I wrote one last love letter—one I would never send. A farewell blessing.

And I realised, despite losing everything I thought I would have, I gained more than I knew I needed.

My compulsion to take the blame all on myself echoes painfully through this song, forgetting that it takes two to tango. I was a kid, doing the best I could. Never perfect. Just me.

Incompatibility is the least closure-friendly type of breakup, but it’s more common than movies and shows make it seem.

Beating the odds while being at odds rarely ends well.

And with this final touch of the keyboard—

Unless I’m miserable and stuck in Missouri,

I’ll forever hold my peace.