"I'm Getting Older Too"

The Music of my Adolescence

When reflecting on the days of my youth, many emotions, and memories bubble to the surface. Those early teen years are full of impromptu trips, constant change, and countless emotional roller coasters. I have always been a lover of music, and I have always understood the power of music. Landslide, Day ‘n’ Nite, and Take Me to Church kept me grounded, when all I wanted to do during these times, was float away.

The first song on my playlist is Landslide, by Fleetwood Mac. Landslide is a song about change, love, and adversity. When I was in my earlier teen years I came to terms with my sexuality and got a girlfriend all within the same week. She may have been my first girlfriend, and I am grateful for that experience, but she broke me. Landslide was one of the songs I listened to while I was trying to mend my heart. There is a line in the song that says, “But time makes you bolder. Even children get older. And I’m gettin’ older too. Oh, I’m gettin’ older too.” This part of the song always made me fill like my pain was temporary, and that it was just a part of growing up. Landslide is a song that made me realize that sometimes time comes with change, and some of those changes might hurt, but change is necessary to grow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4M53xndqiU

The second song on my playlist is Day ‘n’ Nite, by Kid Cudi. Day ‘n’ Nite is an anthem for the loners. I was never a very sociable person growing up. I didn’t fit in with the outcasts, but I also didn’t fit in with the popular kids either. I was more of a drifter. I was a loner. I’d walk the halls of my school everyday with my headphones in, with my music blasting in my ears. Everyday I sat alone. Everyday I was a “lonely loner”. When school was over me and my music would go home, and get prepared for a night of no sleep. I was a night owl. I’d sit up at night drawing, reading, watching tv, and sometimes I would even cook. The nighttime was my time of freedom. During the night I could be me fully and unapologetically. What better song to resonate with, than Day ‘n’ Nite, for me, the loner who freed her mind at night.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RXnLaKCRqQ

My last song on my playlist is Take Me to Church by Hozier. This song is about love, sexuality, and the demonization of homosexuality. I realized that I was lesbian at a very young age, however I didn’t accept that fact until later on in life. When I realized I was gay I was terrified and angry. I grew up in a religious family, and homosexuality was viewed as one the ultimate sins. I was so worried that my family would hate me, and at the same time I hated myself. I didn’t want to be gay, I wanted to be “normal”. During those nights I couldn’t sleep I would sit and listen to this song. I would resonate with the words, and as tears fell from my eyes, I would sometimes feel some relief. This song was with me through one of my darkest times. This sone kept me here. This song helped me realized that my love for women was not the problem, it was the people who had hatred in their hearts for people like me, that were the problem. Take Me to Church helped me come to terms, and learn to love myself, and accept who I love.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVjiKRfKpPI