I Am the Musical Beast? - I Am the Poetry Beast? - Yes! It Saves My Life

With my tiny violin in my hands - I was about six years old, I walked up to the front, that supposed to be the stage my violin teacher, and he already stood there. I was shy, a little bit, to go on stage in the first place. I had to play a duet with my teacher.

I looked at my dad, then I looked at the dark flower dress my grandmother made me - which I wore. I slowly walked on stage - a light grey floor, soft carpet - I looked forth and back to my folks, my grandma (who didn't come over with us - since ages - and which she barely did) and my teacher.

I felt I was scared, and yet, I was so at peace with myself. Maybe it was the surroundings, or maybe, it was the time being of Christmas. I always loved Christmas, and this was really special. I didn't want to go on stage, but after lots of encouragement from my violin teacher, I went up on stage, looking into the audience. I felt so scared that I got some pain in my hand. I had such a sweet teacher that I felt at ease by the way he talked to me.

When I put my violin under my chin, I felt so home, and I played like I never had before.

Musical motivation

The older I got, the more I practised the violin. At the age of nine or ten, I did audition for a youth orchestra. My sister played in that youth orchestra before. She quit when she was in Utrecht at the conservatory, and I took her place (I started at the third violin section).

I remember the audition very well - it was a Monday evening. I did audition after my third trial rehearsal. I walked out from the hall - where the orchestra rehearsed. The conductor called my name, and I went with him to the audition room.

The eyes of the conductor scared me. But I felt that the conductor was so genuine and sweet. In particular: he was very patient with me. When I didn't start great with the piece, he told me: "Just start over again. It is fine." I saw the eyes of my father. I took a deep breath and didn't pay him attention. I pretended he didn't listen to me. I have played with this orchestra for about five years. I loved every tiny little bit about being with them.

One thing I loved was going on tour to the Chech Republic and the South of England.

In 2003 I started to play in another youth orchestra. This one was much better than the previous one. These were all adolescents from 12 until 18 years old. These precious moments made me feel so incredible in love with the beautiful thing called music.

A year later, in 2004, I started playing the violin in The Youth Orchestra of The Netherlands, and this time, my level of violin playing became better, and every tiny little bit I enjoyed there. We went on tour to Germany, Leipzig, and visited the statues of Bach and Haendel. There in Germany, I have played in the concert hall of Berlin.

Also, I have played in numerous amateur orchestras. Currently, it is the Orchestra of Utrecht.

Participating in musical projects

I have done lots of musical projects in my life. I not only have played in orchestras. The first one was a project in the radio concert hall of the national radio of The Netherlands, together with the Netherlands Radio Philharmonic Orchestra. And guess what... I was the concertmaster, which is always a fulfilling leading position to have. At least, I love that.

I sat next to their concertmaster. She just picked me out of all the participants, pointing at me: "Yeah, you, just sit next to me and be the concertmaster for the participants." I was mesmerized she picked me, and deep inside, I cried happy tears. Also, I learned about having the right technique, how to play the violin, and how to play in an orchestra. We played something composed for that occasion. It was also broadcast live on the Dutch national radio. It was Balkan music, with a bit of folklore touch. One weekend full of rehearsals and projects. I was about twelve or thirteen.

We rehearsed, I made new friends, and I learned so much about playing in an orchestra.

This was not the only project I participated in. In 2003 and in 2012, I have played in an orchestra called in Dutch: “Groot Entrée Orchestra” - translated: “Grand Entrance Orchestra”. In this orchestra participated good amateur musicians between 12 and 26 years old, who were a member of the Entrée Club. I was a member, and luckily, I got through the audition. All participants were coached by members of The Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra; THE professional orchestra of The Netherlands.

Rehearsing three weekends with a grand final concert in The Concertgebouw. How exciting was this?! The moment you set foot on that stage for the first time, and it felt like waking up on Christmas Day unpacking your presents.

By playing the violin, it taught me to appreciate the little things in my life. It taught me how I could solve complex issues. Something in my brain gives me a sign; I have to do something in a situation. I have to solve a problem, and that will be on a high level. My brain tells me that I can think of more than one solution for an issue. Most of the time, I just pause and speak out loud. It might help me think clearly.

Music and writing helped me get through the difficult times.

Writing clears my mind

When I was a little child, I wrote stories - a lot, which was fake language. I love to do that so much, but I never did anything with these fake stories. Until three years ago when I signed up for Medium. I didn’t write every day, but that I started something to have an actual meaning in my life, helping others through my words – by telling my personal stories and experiences.

Since writing on Medium, I love to write articles and stories related to my other background: music. While making music (also with others) and having fun playing the violin, I love to express my gratitude, my feelings, and the emotions I have.

Making music and writing articles are two precious jobs I love to do, just to express how I feel, how many emotions you face as a human being, and I believe you may show them to the world. It is great to express them, it is terrific to share your thoughts, and it is good to teach others through your stories and articles.

The best thing, while I write, is that I can reflect on who I am, who I was, and who I want to be in the future. To be a better person and be genuine towards others.

As for writing, I also discovered so many things I love to think about. I write about them whenever I can and about the knowledge I have. The beauty of it all is that all my musical experiences will be, or are, penned into articles, so I can combine the two precious jobs of mine.

Expressing myself through poetry

And when I am busy writing, a poem pops up in my mind. When am I going to write that and where? Mostly, I write them on Medium, but also on HubPages and other poetry platforms.

Lately, I found new poetry forms to try, and I love it much more than I thought I would love. I try each poetry form. Then I write more poems in one of those forms.

One of those lovely things about being a poet, to implement the daily issues, your hobbies (and all the other things you love) into a poem. You can spot, make a joke, or dive into your feelings and emotions you – otherwise – wouldn't show to the world. Hide the message, but clear what it could mean, or let the reader guess and have their own imagination. I love that.

Sometimes, it takes time to write a poem. There are lots of moments a poem pops up in my mind, and then I need a pen and paper to start writing.

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Some of my poems:

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About the writer

Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper. Agnes lives in The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. You can find her on Vocal, Medium, Elephant Journal, HubPages, Music List. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram. You can subscribe to my mailing list, and you can subscribe to my Thoughts. Check out her books. She has an online web store, and she has a merchandise store. If you want to be informed about my online store and my merch, please follow this link.