FLETCHER, “Forever”

Friday the 13th, March 2020 - which just so happens to be the day after my birthday - FLETCHER released a new single and music video. Now, I love FLETCHER’s music; I got hooked the first time I heard “Undrunk” on the radio, but there is something particularly special about this song.

For a bit of back story, after discovering “Undrunk” and listening to it on repeat for days, I dove into her Spotify discography. Every song struck a chord, and I loved it. Now, as one does with a new obsession, I googled her. I mean, her music and voice is incredible - and that is obviously plenty for me - BUT...

You know, just couldn’t help it.

I think part of me had subconsciously picked up on the fact that her songs aren’t directed to a male counterpart, at least not explicitly. And I had to know if it was intentional.

I didn’t specifically google “is fletcher gay,” but I think the greatest thing was, I didn’t have to. Maybe two or three clicks in, I found an article - that I can’t even find now - referencing an interview in which she confirmed what I wanted to know: she isn’t straight. The article also mentioned a music video for “Wasted Youth.”

Honestly, I was already on such a high, I would’ve just been happy knowing I was right, but I still switched to YouTube. By the end of the video for “Wasted Youth,” I was crying. More sobbing, really. I had already read about the video but actually watching... Seeing two girls dance through adventures, holding hands, smiling, laughing, and seeing the natural progression of them falling in love was everything. I mean, really, truly everything. But I digress.

I kept up on every release, followed FLETCHER on all the social media platforms I use, listened to you ruined new york for me the day it came out, loved it, waited for music video releases, all of it. But back to “Forever.”

I watched the video the morning after it released with my morning coffee. I didn’t listen to the song first, just played the video. And then played it again.

Even having had over two months to sit with these feelings, I still don’t know how to express them correctly. I was excited, happy, (little turned on - it’s a pretty sexy video), but I think more than anything, appreciative. The video is great - the dancing, the asthetic, the flow, the dancers - but more than anything, I felt so so thankful that I was getting to see it.

Maybe it’s just birthdays that make me a little extra contemplative or emotional, but regardless, I know that I would’ve killed to have someone like FLETCHER in the media when I was younger. While the video for “Forever” might be reminiscent of other music videos with all the scantily-clad women and dancing and touching each other, but there is something profoundly different in that it’s paired with a song about being alone, being self-aware and independent of any partner, and it doesn’t seem to have the male gaze in mind - the women are looking at each other, not the camera, the lighting is bright and clear, there’s no shadowy, sultry, “look at me being all sexy with another woman.” And besides that, it’s a song to a woman, by a woman.

The thing about FLETCHER and this video, is ultimately that I feel seen. I feel reflected, represented, and it hit me how much that really means to me. I know it’s been said, time and time again, how important representation is, how people would’ve felt more comfortable with themselves growing up if they’d seen themselves in media, and I have always been in support of that.

And yet. There’s still something special FLETCHER. She has been my (long and extended) “Ah-ha” moment, that overwhelming feeling of belonging, even if it’s just for a minute here and there.

I grew up in a fairly conservative town, albeit in a pretty liberal state. I didn’t really have any gay friends, no gay relatives, anything like that as a kid and teenager. My point of reference for lesbians was Ellen, and the stereotypical “butch” that made the occasional appearance to seduce a straight girl. Oh, and of course the kind of “lesbian” that only exists for a man - because what is hotter to a straight man than two women vying for his attention by making out with each other? (Honestly though? I still don’t get that trope.) There was the generic coming out where the newly-proclaimed lesbian would say how much she always hated wearing dresses as a kid, how she was always a tomboy, how she never could imagine her wedding (or was always the “groom”), how she never had any interest in having a boyfriend, how she’d always secretly been in love with her best friend - we all know how that one goes. And while I’m sure that describes plenty of girls experience, that was never mine.

I couldn’t - can’t - relate to that narrative. I loved dresses as a kid, I was always fairly girly, I never felt out of place in the way I thought I would would feel if I was gay, just in an awkward, nerdy sort of way. I wasn’t in love with any of my friends (and I didn’t usually have very close friends), I imagined my future with a husband and kids, I had boyfriends in high school, I wasn’t repulsed, per say, by the thought of sleeping with them - nothing that I had internalized would happen if I was gay.

When I met my wife, I knew something about her was different, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her before I’d ever even kissed her, but it took me a long time to actually be able to truly, comfortably label myself a lesbian, and even longer to think of myself as really anything other than just a straight girl who fell in love with a woman as an exception.

How does this all tie back to FLETCHER? She’s feminine, she wears makeup, she rocks a suit and lacy lingerie. She’s not classically “butch,” but she never portrays herself as the pretty femme who’s going to sit in the corner and wait to be hit on by a “real” lesbian. She is unapologetically herself, strong and feminine and attracted to women. Her music videos feature other feminine women, she fills a lead role without chopping off her hair and donning menswear.

I tried for so many years to fit myself into the role I thought I belonged in because I didn’t see a space where I existed as myself, and I can’t imagine how differently I would’ve felt if I had seen a space to be feminine and gay, and pursue a relationship with another woman volitionally. I don’t even want to think about the questionable decisions I feel I wouldn’t have made as a teenager if I knew that space existed, or that I could create it and not be alone.

For the most part, being out and who I am has been easy, especially when I compare to struggles other members of the LGBTQ+ community experience. Even knowing that, I still feel an enormous relief just by something as simple as a music video and music that reflects me, so I’m sure I can’t possibly fathom the impact that would have for someone with fewer privileges or in a less progressive area. While we have made so much progress, there is still so much more to be done. I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone. The relief of feeling seen was like being able to breathe after holding my breath for far too long, and I wish I wish I wish I didn’t know what that felt like. I’m so thrilled and relived knowing that there is without a doubt a young girl somewhere who will be able to see herself in this music and never have to question her place in the world because of it.

I think there’s no better way to end this than to say I owe FLETCHER a “thank you.” My life is eternally changed, and I wouldn’t go back for anything.