Embracing the Messy Piece of Writing

I searched for my name on Google, and a few things came up. The first thing was my LinkedIn profile; the next one was so familiar, but I couldn’t recognize it.

Guess what it is?

That was my People per Hour profile—I created it in the early stage of my writing career.

I was desperate. For every writer I find in the early, I would ask only one question, “How to find more clients?”

Lots of burnouts with clients, and I understood my question framing was wrong. It should be “How to find the right clients?”

I grasped it, and I stopped the never-ending quest for clients. That’s because clients are everywhere, looking at each of your steps. You can’t see them until they approach you.

Acceptance and transformation

So, I’m announcing myself as a writer.

Three years back, when I began first with my blog, I wouldn’t believe it if you told me, “Barsha, you are a writer, and let’s scribe whatever you want to.”

That’s funny.

But I panicked when I saw my people per hour profile ranking on Google with my name.

I thought, “What?”

And then I dived deeper and saw all the half-baked ideas floating around. This profile was created when I was a six-month-old writer, and I had the AUDACITY to speak it right in my bio.

I couldn’t resist. And I immediately changed my profile image into a professional one, my bio into something that demonstrates my writing skills, and my cover image.

I added six of my content writing samples.

To my surprise, it couldn’t be saved, and a message came that means your profile is under the review of the moderators, and you will be notified once it’s approved. So, I clicked the exit button and returned to what I was doing.

The following day (today), I received an email saying your profile was accepted.

I thought, “That was easy.” But it felt impossible when I started, and I was desperate to earn my first buck online.

It’s unfair that freelancing sites, which should be the stepping stone for newbie freelancers, have high standards for entry.

The on and off duty

My profile wasn’t accepted back then. But it couldn’t stop me from writing on and off and on and off continuously.

I might not be that consistent with writing. And I can give you multiple reasons for that. But one thing I learned.

I’m a writer and once you are a writer, you always be a writer.

That’s right. I’m not accepting the words, “You can’t be a writer if you don’t write every day.”

Reason: it’s impossible not to write every day. Maybe, during my off-seasons, I wasn’t writing “content,” to be specific. But there are multiple other things to note.

I keep on writing birthday wishes to friends…

I kept writing comments on blogs and social media (especially LinkedIn)…

I kept on writing poetry from time to time…

I kept jotting down my ideas with the hope of executing them someday.

And when I wasn’t working as a writer, I was still doing something that inspired my writing.

• I made a vision board.
• I started learning to draw cartoons.
• I binge-watched multiple Netflix series.
• I studied to crack my entrance exams.
• I kept on learning German on Duolingo.

What’s the case with binge-watching on Netflix?

In the most specific way, Netflix has helped me immensely to come back to consistent blog content creation.

It has shown me what a good story looks like… how a story can be irresistible to left unwatched… and how every story has at least one writer who tries to express herself through words.

I watched “Maid,” where I fell in love with cleaning (those tiny-windy chores — cleaning people’s toilets) for pursuing her dream of studying “creative writing.” And it showed me how being a maid can be cool. She was exposed to different lives, different houses, different stories.

I watched “Manifest,” which taught me how everything is connected. And unless you join all the dots, you can’t convey a meaning out of it. From mythology to mathematics, everything is connected.

I watched “New Amsterdam” — the regular stories of doctors in a hospital. The stress level they face daily… those critical decisions they take every day which decide if a person will live or die… and how can you be a “doctor” by actual means by genuinely helping people. And all you need is a “how can I help” approach to stay inspired daily. Yes, you have to compromise a lot of things. But, it’s one way or another, whatever you choose.

The series “Ginny and Georgia” exposed me to the truth of someone’s life. And how you can’t untell the truth once you tell it. It also made me realize how I’m the sum of my parents. Even though I never noticed or thought, “I’m different.”

You become what your environment is. Trust it or not.

I watched “13 reasons why,” which made me acknowledge how hard it is to survive the teenage years. And kids continuously exposed to an unhealthy environment are prone to suffer more. All it takes is kindness to help them out of a situation (addiction). That girl who committed suicide was also a writer. She was expressing herself with messy poems. And that inspired me to keep on writing messy stories and poems.

Medium gives me freedom of expression

And now I’m writing on Medium. I have always been in love with that minimalist writing interface. And when I understood you get to earn from your writing no matter what you write, I gave it a shot.

It has never been easy to write.

Writing a perfectly imperfect story is never easy when you can strive for perfection and never write.

But something, some voice, helped me immensely to convince myself. Not to fight with it. Instead, make it my best friend and listen to what it wants.

In my story “Those blue days,” I have shared my feelings about writing client pieces that rarely have my original ideas.

My other story, “Battling procrastination by being present,” represents the writer’s struggle to meet that deadline for making a living.

My story “A cup of tea for the anxious soul” expresses how I frame my mind by affirming different words. It also says you can’t battle your mind; you can only convince it.

Most of these things about the process I learned from the enchanting copywriter Henneke Duistermaat. She has taught me not to feel guilty about taking breaks, to be friends with your critique, and embracing imperfection to express your ideas by writing that messy draft.

I embrace my three imperfect writing years

Looking back, I feel happy, proud, and grateful for the steps I had taken three years back when my father asked me whether I could earn online.

I’m glad I returned even though I took zillions of breaks from different platforms to avoid too many human interactions.

I’m glad that I finally understood that I don’t need to limit myself to a single niche (well, it’s a different story — why should I write for a niche for making a good living?).

And I’m now empathizing with my inner writer, who wants to explore and express without a limitation.

So, what’s say? Would you embrace that imperfectly perfect story and keep on writing?

If you like my content and want to contribute towards my education, buy me a coffee!

This story is originally published on ILLUMINATION on Medium. You can check it out there.