Can't Get Much

It's a curse.

Let it seep from me.

Bad luck has always been the safest bet.

Call it excuse, I can't get much so I'll take what I can get.

I'm losin' my voice.

It's what happens when you waste your sadness in

drinks

and

cigarettes.

a momentary falter of the

steps

in

life's grand race to the end.

Yeah, I got a phone.

Well, they're just givin' 'em away now.

I haven't turned it on in months.

No one's callin' me, anyhow.

And I'm about to pull out all the stops

Unleash my

EARTHLY RAGE

But instead.

I'll just keep scrollin' through this

damn

browser

page.

'Cause what does it matter?

Nothin' really matters.

At all.

Now, let me stop.

For a second.

'Cause I never really noticed a difference in

all those flavored coffees.

If it's not sweet, then it's just kinda bad.

But if it is, OH, if it is, it's markedly the sweetest milk

I've ever

had.

WAIT!

That doesn't make sense.

When the pills run out, an unfortunate side effect.

But

STIGMA

Says

I don't need 'em.

Embrace who I really am.

But what if the truest me

only wants to watch me

fall off track?

But, maybemaybemaybe

it's just me.

I never judged a soul for

all

their

wealth.

But to judge, OH, to judge.

OH LORD!

i'm guilty as Hell.

This song came to me at a time when I was heavily depressed, fueling my depression with alcohol and wondering why it felt like the world was crumbling around me. I couldn't afford to stay on my anti-depressants regularly because I was trying so hard to be a musician and performer, while self-sabotaging the entire time. I wrote it to imitate how my mind was working at the time. My thoughts would come in long-winded, rambling bursts. I spent a lot of time crying and drinking until black-out, hungrily attaching myself to anyone who gave me the time of day. I was so hurt that I couldn't see how much I was hurting others. And I felt like I deserved all the anguish I was causing myself.

This song is for anyone who has ever felt so lonely, so sad, and SO stuck that it felt like you were going crazy. This song is for those who get trapped in the loop of depression or addiction, who feel like they don't deserve any goodness.

You deserve goodness.

You deserve to experience how it feels to wake up without a hangover, and without instantly regretting the night before. Not only that, but you deserve to be able to laugh freely and to cry freely, too. You deserve all the good things.

Alcohol is a kinky devil, and it gets off on your sadness. If anyone is reading this or listening to my song, I want you to know that you are not alone. We are all fighting our own battles, but we are all in this together. Whatever it is you are going through, it will pass, and things will work out however they are meant to. Just hold on. Find something that makes you feel something good and hold onto it. Hold onto it until you can feel that goodness without needing it anymore.

My goal with my music was always to be able to let people know they are not alone. I put my story into my songs so that other people who feel the way I do, who have struggled or are still struggling, know that how they feel doesn't make them weird. It makes you human. And being human is a hell of a ride, sometimes.