Blink-182

When the fuck did Blink-182 become relevant again?

Are we just going to ignore millions of U.S. citizens edgy punk phases in middle school in the 2000's because Travis Barker is being featured on every new Pop-Punk band's album? I didn't put half a pound of hair gel in my hair every day before school in sixth grade to wind up in my 20's and realize I was just a hipster and liked Blink before it was cool.

Here's a little backstory on myself. I had a fauxhawk. I played bass in a Green Day cover band. I wore vans and skinny jeans to school everyday. I only listened to Pop-Punk and music about hating your parents. I came home everyday to a loving mom and dad and homecooked meals. I was 12. I was a fraud. At no point in my childhood was I ever truly a rebel, but just like nearly everyone else in their 20's today, I went through a phase. I went through a phase of listening to punk, I hated everyone, the world sucked, and I thought I was cool. Now that I'm an adult with responsibilities, I realize that my middle school phase was just a shitty trailer for a shitty movie coming out in a few years.

I'm depressed, can barely make rent every month, hate my job, hate most people, don't sleep, don't eat, and still listen to the same music I did in middle school. It's not my fault though. I put my days of early 2000's Pop-Punk in a box, stuck it in the attic, and forgot about it. I started wearing button downs, jeans that fit, using styling cream instead of hair gel, and all was good until college. Now my jeans are skinny because I put on weight and can't afford new ones. I can't afford a haircut. The oversized t-shirts I thought looked cool 10 years ago now fit normally, and I'm back to the sixth grade dance where I don't like talking to girls. As a real kick in the ass, the music I listened to before has now become popular again.

I first noticed the rebirth of Pop-Punk at a college football game my freshman year. As the opposing team's defense transitioned onto the field, the loudspeakers started blasting All the Small Things. Dark memories of being a little shithead started rushing back to me. Then I saw all the frat stars and sorority girls singing along, and that's when I knew it. Or at least I thought I knew it. I thought we could finally all laugh at our dumb phases in middle school and not care about keeping those skeletons in the closet anymore.

Fast forward two years, I'm in the car listening to SiriusXM Classic Rock (it was a rental I can't afford Sirius), and Green Day comes on. Right after Led Zeppelin. Followed directly by AC/DC. It was terrifying yet reassuring to see that Pop-Punk was finally long enough dead to be viewed as classic, but I was getting that old. Sure, I no longer had to worry about hiding my middle school phase, that's great. Our grandparents did the same thing with their phase of tripping balls on LSD at Woodstock in the 60's. No harm no foul. We're through it. Phase officially solidified in history as being done.

Fast forward to the year of our demise, 2020. I hear a song on the radio. Some rapper who goes by Machine Gun Kelly is playing. His music sounds very familiar. It's featuring Travis Barker. Why do I know that name? That's when my heart sank. That's when the years of being a little shithead climbed out of the box in the attic like a Chucky doll and stabbed me in the chest. MGK is bringing back Pop-Punk. How is he doing it? By bringing back the gods of middle school phases themselves, Blink-182.

I immediately go to Spotify and check artist pages. Blink had a few songs remixed by Steve Aoki and Lil Wayne in the last year. Travis Barker is featured on a bunch of new songs. The entire band is even featured on some songs. They're either making the greatest comeback of all time, or we're all doomed to keep living our phases out for the next decade.

As I scrolled through Spotify, I saw a playlist that kept popping up under Blink and Travis Barker. It's called The New Alt. What the fuck does that mean? Isn't alternative music supposed to be stuff that doesn't have a defined genre yet, but is slowly becoming popular? I listened to this playlist, and I can confirm that the New Alt is just Pop-Punk. Every song has hundreds of millions of streams on Spotify alone. It's edgy and in your face. There is nothing "alt" about this music. It's just Pop-Punk.

I love it. I hate that I love it. I hate it.

Look at Sum 41. Be like Sum 41. When you hit the age where children were expected from you a decade ago, it's time to stop hating society and realize that you're just a washed up piece of shit that everyone forgot about.

Fuck no! Blink-182 said fuck that! We're going to keep making irrelevant music, until some kid is dumb enough to get into a diss track battle with the greatest rap battler of all time! Then we'll make our comeback and make everyone between the ages of 22 and 35 cringe every time they listen to the radio because we're back, bitch.

Ever since I heard all this new Pop-Punk I've had the urge in the back of my head to punch holes through random walls. There's this strange sense of desire, no, need for Pop-Punk to make its return. I own skinny jeans again, ones that I actually bought to fit skinny. I'm wearing vans again, I think they're comfortable. I hate the world again, because 2020 sucks. I'm listening to motherfucking Blink-182 again, because that's what I need.

I can only hope that the return of the kings, Blink-182, and the return of the greatest music genre means one thing. The return of Warped Tour. Now I know the fabled reject tour technically already made a comeback in 2019, but it hasn't been the same since the mid-2000's. We need to return to our roots of Sum 41, Green Day, Bowling for Soup, All-American Rejects, and the bands that fueled awkward middle school dances. In your face, way too catchy to be true punk rock, and gives us an excuse to wear all black again.

Kevin Lyman, founder of the tour, has teased fans this year with the idea of a Warped Tour 2021. Well, Mr. Lyman, we all know who is going to headline the return of the greatest tour of all time. The Kings of depressed middle schoolers themselves, Blink-182.

It all works out so perfectly. The tour died, people that actually listened to the music can legally buy alcohol now, Pop-Punk is making a comeback, and Blink-182 is leading the charge. I'm in no way mentally or physically ready for a Blink comeback at the Warped Tour comeback, but you bet your ass I'll be starting a mosh pit at main stage when What's My Age Again? is played.

Rock on, fellow grown up phase kids.

Coleman, out.