A Special Thankyou To Meatloaf

This is a special tribute to a band that saved my life. The singer Micheal Lee Aday sadly passed away in January 2022.

Meatloaf is a special band to me because their music got me through the most painful times in my life, both in my childhood and my adulthood. They are also a band whose songs have helped me through a major battle with my mental health and saved my life over and over again.

I have been a big fan of Meatloaf since I was a teenager. I have always enjoyed their music, however:

Music can be a powerful thing. It can bring back memories, give us a much-needed boost when we are down, instil confidence in us, and enable us to express those feelings that we cannot put into words.

Below I will list those songs by Meatloaf that have held and still hold much significance in my life:

Heaven Can Wait

Courtesy of Youtube: Sung by Meatloaf ( accessed by author, 18/02/2022)

I lost my Grandad to cancer in the early 90s. My Grandad was my confidant and my best friend. He was someone who was there for me always, even when he knew I was in the wrong. He stood by me through the bullying I faced at school and at home, and he is someone I deeply miss today.

I dedicated this song to him shortly after he died. It is a beautiful, powerful song that expresses everything, including the frustration and pain that comes with wanting someone to survive even though deep down you know that you are going to lose them.

This song enabled me to pray and express my sorrow for losing the most precious jewel that my family could have wished for.

Bat Out Of Hell

Courtesy of Youtube: Sung by Meatloaf (accessed by author, 18/02/2022)

This is a song that practically saved my life. Not many people understand why I say this. However, I have included this as it is really important for me to explain.

In the 90's I went through a lot of severe trauma, including violence and abuse. I lost my children to the system because of what I went through. I left my hometown Leeds, where the trauma began. In Leeds, I went through more violence and abuse than I could take. I was a victim of violence, rape and abuse which recycled itself over and over again.

I was never seen or heard when I tried to talk about it. Instead, I was ignored and blamed, leaving myself and my children in many nasty dangerous situations without any real help. These dangerous situations led to my children witnessing me being attacked and abused. They were eventually taken from me, ripping my heart out.

When my children were taken into care, I ended up in hospital battling mental health problems several times. I also ended up in a hostel which was only a street away from where I was attacked and raped in my own home. I left Leeds with a friend and a view to starting a new life.

I moved to Scarborough with a view to picking up my life, healing and getting my children back.

Only, things did not go to plan.

I stayed in Scarborough in a hostel that was supposed to be safe. However, shortly after, the friend I left with also left me alone in that hostel and it wasn't long before I realized I was, in fact living amongst criminals. I tried hard to hold on while I made plans to find somewhere safer.

However, I ended up escaping rape which was perpetrated on me by a friend I had known for a while. His actions were fueled by alcohol whilst I was sleeping.

I had nobody to talk to, and I was afraid to talk to the police because in the past I had already tried this with my previous situation a few times and nobody, not even the local authority wanted to believe me.

I was scared, and I knew that I had to get out of there. I tried hard to find somewhere else, but the benefits agency had stopped my money and I had nowhere to go.

I ended up in a severe state of mental distress, landing me on the street.

I had no money, food, water, shelter or clean clothes. My home became a park and a public bench sheltered by a temple. I had access to a lake and that was all. However, another homeless person gave me a set of headphones and a stereo complete with a Meatloaf CD, and after hearing 'Bat out of Hell,' several times, I knew I had to survive.

I witnessed many lonely homeless people, some with children who didn't even know they existed anymore. I saw the brutal ways in which these people (including myself) were treated.

I eventually ended up with nobody after my homeless friend died from cold and starvation whilst on the streets.

Once alone, I lost my identity and I lost weight, dehydrated, passed out a few times. I have no idea how long I was there.

I woke up one day in severe pain and bleeding.

It didn't occur to me that I might be miscarrying. Being pregnant is the last thing you think about after being raped yet again.

At first, I ignored the pain. I felt numb, so if I pretended it wasn't there, It would go away

However, I started to feel the bleeding down below. I stuck my headphones on one more time, and I played Bat out of Hell repeatedly.

The sound of the motorbike revving up and the words from the song (read the lyrics in the video) made me realise that I didn't want to die.

I crawled for miles to the nearest phonebox. However, I cut my knuckles from digging in the mud. I called 999, and at first, I dropped the phone, then picked it back up:

The words 'help me,' finally came out of my mouth.

I was taken to a hospital by ambulance where I was said to have sadly miscarried through rape. I was told that I had been digging in the mud in a bid to try and find the baby that I had lost.

However, my mind couldn't process what I had been through. I had no idea who I was or what had happened to me.

This is a song that holds much importance and significance in my life. I did heal from what I had been through, however, as a result of the PTSD that followed, I became so ill that my children were permanently removed from me and I lost one to adoption.

Over the years though, I have grown triple the amount of strength since my horrible past ordeals. I'm now a writer, author, Domestic Violence champion and I have been given the encouragement to have that much wanted baby, except this, is a brand new start and a brand new world for me. It is full of positivity and excitement instead of my negative past.

If Meatloaf's song hadn't shown me that I could fight to survive my ordeal, even though I was alone most of the time, I might have died. However, the words in Bat Out of Hell showed me what I did want, rather than didn't:

'A life worth living.'

Midnight At The Lost And Found

Courtesy of Youtube: Sung by Meatloaf ( accessed by author, 18/02/2022)

This is one of those songs that really excites me!

It is a song that reminds me of my journey through trauma and mental health to where I am today.

It is one of those songs that I go back to over and over again because it reminds me of:

The light that I have finally found at the end of the long dark tunnel.

Going through the many long years of pain and trauma, then putting in the hard work yet still thinking there is no end to it.

One day you wake up feeling different; You're happier, stronger, healthier and you find yourself suddenly walking in a world of light. This is a light that you thought you'd never reach. You later discover that you're no longer walking in the dark, yet it takes months to realize it.

This is the sudden realization of wellness.

However, it takes a while to sink in after years of trauma!

You're walking away from midnight into the light; you've found yourself after years of feeling lost.

I still listen to this song because it motivates me to keep moving, and reminds me that exciting things are going to happen!

For Crying Out Loud

Courtesy of Youtube: Sung by Meatloaf ( accessed by author, 18/02/2022)

This one has my complete heart!

It is a song that I dedicated to my husband, who stood by me through all the pain and trauma after my admission to Old St Mary's Hospital, Derwent Ward, Scarborough, North Yorkshire where I met him as an inpatient in 1998.

I was so unsure of myself back then. I had no idea what love was, and I was terrified even though I knew he was into me.

The biggest problem faced in love by those who have been through trauma, especially domestic violence is realizing they are loved or are in love. When you have spent all your life running away from abuse, you don't know who to trust anymore and you lose the concept of love.

My husband spent so much time helping me back then, even though he had his own problems.

I wasn't easy to get to know. One minute I was caring, loving, warm, passionate, and the next, I would deny myself permission to feel and push him away, even though I knew I liked him.

That word 'love' was something that took me weeks to recognize. I knew I cared, but I had to have professional help in order to deal with my feelings and recognize love.

We spent many days laughing, crying and talking together. We went everywhere together.

In fact, I wouldn't let anyone else take me anywhere, not even staff!

I had spent all my time in my dorm up to meeting my husband. I was terrified to bother with anyone, and unless I wanted something, it was rare that anyone saw me until I met my husband.

I became increasingly frustrated with how close I was becoming to this man who I married. However, he was very patient. He washed the little clothes I had and bought me new ones, encouraged me to eat, bought toiletries and tolerated my most horrible moments.

I ended up in the street. I have no idea how I got there. I was confused and scared by the time someone got to me. It wasn't the staff who came after me that night; in fact, staff hadn't even noticed that I had left. My now-husband was the one who found me, and by then I was on the road. He took me back inside, made me a drink and we talked. I had a PTSD attack that night which could have resulted in myself being killed if it wasn't for my husband.

There are so many positive things my husband has done for me, and we have been through some extremely tough times that would most likely have broken many couples.

So this song by Meatloaf is a thank you to my husband for saving my life.

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Anything for Love

Courtesy of Youtube: Sung by Meatloaf ( accessed by author, 18/02/2022)

This is one of those songs that makes me smile and cry at the same time.

My dad had an affair behind my Mothers back. He left my mum heartbroken, and as I was very young, he also left me in more pain than people think. I then suffered as many of the men who abused me also had a string of affairs behind my back too.

The pain was more than I could bear. I spent many long years not being able to trust anyone, and more so because after my dad left us, I was being abused and I had nobody to talk to about it.

The song helped me learn a valuable lesson:

Not all men and women are the same. Not everyone will break my heart.

However, sadly, after many years of pain and trauma; I am sure that the reader will understand that this valuable lesson took me many long years to learn.

I had to start by loving myself, building confidence and self-esteem, then teaching myself how to assert my boundaries.

I am a very sensitive person, and this was a tough and painful stage of my journey. Reasserting boundaries can be extremely scary and tough for someone who has been through so much violence, and it took around 4 years before I learned that not everyone was going to assault me for respecting myself.

Today I'm different. I love myself, respect myself and assert my boundaries. I can also now find it in myself to believe that not everyone will hurt me, and if I do get hurt, I can and will get through it.

Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through

Courtesy of Youtube (Accessed by Author, 02/03/2022)

I could not end this article by not including my most important song by MeatLoaf.

This song saw me through all the pain and it taught me that

there was more to me than the trauma would allow me to see.

I still play this one on repeat today, especially when life really gets me down.

The song helps me to remember who I am today, even now, while we are all living in hard times and uncertainty.

I would like to end this article by saying a thank you to MeatLoaf.

The world has lost its greatest star, but the music still lives with me. I am alive because MeatLoaf was always by my side through my journey, and Micheal's strong words in those songs taught me about survival.

Micheal is still with us, in song and in spirit.

Thank you for saving my life.