2024 Wrapped.

Damn.

A main character soundtrack not to be heard as background noise as diverse as my spotify wrapped.

Bringing many highs and lows. Many uppers and many downers. Taking me on a rollercoaster of feelings. Bringing me so much clarity and confusion. Yet also bringing me so many challenges and changes.

A year full of old reminders in new reflections but old lessons. A year full of new reflections trying to teach me new lessons.

All of which I needed. Not what I wanted, but so many opportunities to grow, to learn. to evolve more than I have in a while.

And I am thankful for that.

2024 you reminded me to feel...very deeply and in a new way of feeling new parts of me, old parts of me, and vitals parts of me.

You reminded me to reflect and turn over a new page in the past "eras of us" (Fletcher) in so many ways.

To find the "good in goodbye" (Frank Walker, Trivecta)...a few diffent times.

A year that started with "I guess I'm in love" (Clinton Kane) manifesting into what would "crush" (Fletcher) my soft heart...shattering me in a way that "hits different" (Taylor Swift) than all the others before.

Leaving me broken and "pretending" (Fletcher) that in some other world I could just "keep u warm" (Slander).

You reminded me of the kind of deep love I am capable of feeling for someone even if I didn't want to feel it...you knew I needed it..."religiously" (Bailey Zimmerman).

You showed me the beauty in a short time that "two hearts" (Dermot Kennedy) can experience, share even if it isn't "in the cards" (Jamie Miller).

That sometimes you need to let the "wild one" (Troy Cartright) be free because there is no point in trying to tame and untamable free spirit.

And even as I struggled to "let go" (Kygo) and "unlove you" (Troy Cartwright) I was reminded that it is a gift to be able to experience and feel what I felt and I needed to find the "lessons" (Dermot Kennedy) in what loving someone like that was meant to show me.

You challenge me to continue to learn the lesson you knew I still need to learn to embrace and not "hold on" (Kygo, Emmitt Fenn) to those who are "scared to start" (Michael Marcagi).

You challenged me to stop begging for others to "luv me a little" (Illenium, Nina Nesbitt) that would never be enough for me, that would never choose me.

You threw many souls my way that trust tested my ability to take the "high road" (Koe Wetzel, Jessie Murph) in ways that took everything I had to show "me before you" (Kygo, Plested) love in a new way that allowed me to learn more self respect.

To remember that even when I think I can't live "without you" (Kygo, Hayla) that I can and to not "go back" (John Summitt, Julia Church) no matter how hard it is. Because when it comes to love what you want rarely aligns with what you need in retrospect.

You taught me time and time again that I just needed to "stay still" (Le Youth, Forester, Lyrah) until I finally listened. Until I was ready even if it meant being left drained and empty finally I took "my time" (Sultan + Shepard).

You reminded me that while "all that really matters" (Illenium, Teddy Swims) may be love that "not even love" (Illenium) by itself won't ever be enough to make anything last.

You reminded me that no matter how much you allow your love to be "bleeding out" (Chance Pena) for others that it won't make them willing to bleed for you.

You continued to remind me that the right person for you will want to be "close to you" (Gracie Abrams) in all the big and all the small ways.

You taught me that no matter how much you say "please, please, please" (Sabrina Carpenter) that some people will inevitably embarass you beyond a point that you thought was possible.

You reminded me that people are much like seasons, to stop trying to control, to stop trying to force connections so people will stay because sometimes they are meant to be "strangers again" (Matt Hansen) and the more you fight that the "messier" (Tate McRae) your feelings will be once they do leave. The harder it will be to navigate the things you feel to find your way to "the other side" (Michael Marcagi).

You reminded me to reprioritize the things that I love and find joy in life in and that I feel better and more intune when I remember "music is better" (Rufus Du Sol) for my well being when I prioritize those experiences in my life.

To remember to make time to "throw some ass" (Sofi Tukker) and "move" (Adam Port, Stryv, Camila Cabello...).

You taught me that there are people in this life that will leave you wondering "how could you" (Jessie Murph) even treat another human being like that but it is important to not let that change you, to not let it revert to a version of you that you no longer are.

You continued to teach me what it looks like when someone's "ego is talking" (Fletcher) versus when their empathy should be.

You showed me that if someone is stuck in the mindest of who they were instead of "i am not who i was" (Chance Pena) that it will never be your place nor will you ever succeed in trying to bring them out of that shadow.

You taught me another side of what a "narcissist" (Lauren Spencer Smith) looks like. A side of humanity that will tell "lies, lies, lies" (Morgan Wallen) without ever knowing to identify it as such.

That sometimes people will leave you wondering how they can "sleep at night" (Cat Burns) but that is about them and not you.

You taught me that sometimes the only time that some people will learn to value and appreciate you is when you're leaving and for your own self respect that has to be "too little, too late" (Jojo).

You taught me that no matter how much I think I have grown or healed that sometimes life will still decide to take you on a "joyride" (Fletcher) and it is up to you to decide if that is all it is. That sometimes that ride will take you the "wrong way" (Two Friends, Alexander Stewart) but that is when you are challenged to find your way "back through you" (Sultan + Shepard, Tishmal) and journey "back to you" (Illenium, All Time Low).

You reminded that "nobody compares to you" (Gryffin, Katie Pearlman) when it comes to learning how to love yourself first before you can truly love another from a healthy place instead of just getting "attached to you" (Fletcher).

You brought me so much pain, but also so much beauty.

That sometimes "pain is like cold water" (Noah Kahan). But whether that water leaves us better or bitter is up to us.

You challenged me to reevaluate my boundaries, my relationships, and grow in every aspect especially when it came to fostering new connection while untying others. Rekindling old relationships that were once treasured finding new value and roots while cutting dead leaves.

You reminded me to stop asking for everything from those who will leave you begging and asking "give me anything" (John Summit, Elderbrook).

That you shouldn't have to "lose somebody" (Kygo, One Republic) to realize you love somebody.

That you deserve more than someone who thinks it is okay to "lead you on" (Fletcher) simply because they have commitment issues.

That you shouldn't have to "guess" (Billie Eilish, Charlie XCX) how someone feels.

You continued to challenge me in trying to find peace in "moving on" (Lumine, Storey, Julia Kleijn). That sometimes you truly just need to "leave it all behind" (Alex LeMirage).

You brought me to a vital point for beginning to heal and grow in ways I had resisted and refused to recognize when I finally was ready to say "I swear that I mean it, I'm done with these girls" (VHS Rave, Tiesto).

You left me "lonely" (Gryffin, Calle Lehmann, Slippy) and "down bad" (Taylor Swift) but in a way I so deperately needed but didn't want. Reminding me to take " my own advice" (William Black).

You helped me find ways back to reconnecting with myself and finding the things that "resonate" (John Summit, Kaskade, Julia Church) within me.

You reminded me that the love that I give is "like the water" (Patrick Droney) and that not everyone deserves to be able to drink it. You reminded me that regardless of the "home" (Good Neighbours) I wish to create for others in my heart and life that I can't freely hand out the water to everyone that comes to my doorstep.

You helped me find new value in making "memories" (Sultan + Shepard, The Kite String Temple)...and not needing anyone else to do them.

You reminded me of all the strength there is in the softness that lies within me. In my heart. In the way I treat others. In the way I care. And that never something I should resent or change.

You reminded me that sometimes "everything we need" (Wilfred) is everything that should be.

You reminded me that feelings are so "messy" (Lola Young) but that is why it is so important to take the time to understand the things we feel and the places they come from.

You reminded me again to "live more, and love more" (Cat Burns).

You taught me that sometimes "I Love you, I'm Sorry" and "I Miss you, I'm Sorry" (Gracie Abrams) is best left said from a far.

You taught me that growing is learning it is okay to say "we can't be friends" (Ariana Grande).

You reminded me that it is a beautiful thing that I am not "like everyone else" (Lyrah) and the right people will value that.

You continue to teach me that no one will "treat you better" (Rufus Du Sol) than you can.

You reminded me to evolve and let others as well. That life lives "in the leaves" (Lyrah) and you have to let them come and go with the seasons and go the directions they want to.

You reminded me to reflect and find "healing" (Fletcher) in taking the time. You reminded me that you cannot help someone heal who refuses to do the "healing" (Jonasu, Emily Roberts) themselves.

You reminded me that one day I will find my "sailor song" (Gigi Perez) but first I have to find my own song.

your soundtrack full of all the sounds that I needed.

2024 wrapped. finding my way back. thank you.