12 Months Of Washington

At the end of 2023 I made one promise to myself. That promise was to explore often and as much as humanly possible. It was purely immersing myself into the nature and beauty of Washington state.

I really struggle with Bipolar Disorder Type 2 and have for years. I was undiagnosed until 2019 when the VA stepped in. Teaching me about healthy coping techniques, and joining various outpatient therapy groups. I genuinely benefitted from the Creative Arts therapy program that encompasses creative writing and photography. Two things I am genuinely passionate about.

Both groups have forced me to get out of my house on days when my depression spikes or bottoms me out, and physically gives me a sense of purpose in the future. This is because it gives me something to look forward to when I have plans and make plans to get outside.

Here in this piece I combined a playlist that I would listen to when driving to or from these different spots, but also encompass how I was feeling in that month of the year. Hopefully you see the beauty as much as I do in this beautiful place I call home. And yes! This is all my personal photography.

January "Yellow" - Cold Play

This song was chart topping in January. I felt like I was hearing this song on replay in my head so many different times. But this sunset was actually the reason I kept hearing this song. I perfectly captured my son Albus in this moment symbolizing how pure and golden his energy is. He is the light of my life, and radiates joy in all he does. Albus and my other son Gatsby have autism. So when the world feels dark and gloomy, I look at them and see their care free nature. It reminds me that there is still good.

February "Runaway"- Aurora

There is something so ethereal about Aurora's voice. It captures the energy the energy I feel when I'm in nature, the call of going home. And for me nature is home. It's just the vibration of being near the water, and seeing how at peace I feel when I watch my sons explore and experience new things. The song reminds me of water rippling and hitting the shore.

Teddy Bear Cove was hands down one of my favorite experiences this year because how quiet it was. Like the silence stilled my own thoughts which were going a million miles a minute worrying about money. Worrying if I would just genuinely be able to pay my bills and all the things that just go with being a parent. It's as if I got into nature and my head just shut down and I could intentionally be present in the moment.

March "Stargazing" - Miles Smith

This month I genuinely realized I fell in love with someone. I really for the first time since my divorce actually realized I allowed myself to allow my guards to come down enough to know that it was okay to feel something like that again. So this month was a lot of reflecting whether or not I wanted to pursue that connection fully or just kind of sit with the energy basically. They did not feel the same and that's okay! But this song I listened to on my evening walks alot of the time and I really love this upbeat energy!

April "Mental Health" - Moonlight Scorpio

April I really needed a mental health break from being a full time single parent and care giver. So I went to Cannon Beach and saw Haystack Rock! It was such a cool experience. However this trip was very spiritual in nature. I realized on the many days that I spent walking on the beach, that I don't ask for help enough!

I tend to take on so much, that I burn out. So this trip made me realize I needed to start letting go of the need to control every situation in my life and be more fluid and free flowing when it comes to things. And also realizing not everything needs to happen immediately. Prioritizing down time and fun things for myself. Especially writing on here again and making time for what I love.

Babe- there's more to life than just burning yourself out with work and paying bills. It's the little things. It's about that occasional coffee. It's about the hour you devote to playing Stardew Valley etc. Self care.

May "Luminary" - Joel Sunny

I'm going to write a whole separate piece on Salt Creek Recreation Area. But my God. If you just sit and listen to this song, and you physically stare at the photo- this would be something you see on instagram reels or something for #travelgram.

My friend Kevin grew up coming here, and I didn't know what the hype was about this place until we came. Now it's a tradition that every year we go at least once. This place will recharge you. There's no cell signal and is the perfect place to disconnect and get back out into nature. And is the best place to also bring your dog! Our Corgi Morty comes camping with us every time! And he loves it. There's all these cool tide pools, and it's just purely breath taking. I have been to many places now, and this one just really stops me in my tracks every time.

June " Slow Me Down"

The same friend that showed that beautiful part of the world really called me out in June this year. I had no idea how badly my mental health would take a toll on him sometimes. And it really made me reflect as a personal mirror of how I would show up in other people's lives. Really needing to take accountability for my actions and not using my mental health as an excuse to be a shitty person. But also really focusing on being SUPER present and intentional in the moment. He talked about how I was always rushing and just always was focused on 50 things other than just being in the moment.

He didn't mean it in a bad way. But it made me reflect in this conversation how this may be affecting my kids. So I intentionally made some adjustments on how to be present, and actually am more intentional with just slowing down. Not getting so wrapped up in the worries about the future. Tomorrow can shift and change, the past is the past, and the moment is where it matters most.

Since that conversation, we both have since met in the middle, and we've both learned our personal communication styles. Realizing he's a acts of service kind of person and I'm very words of affirmation. So its helped a ton.

July "Your Bones" - Chelsea Cutler

Realizing that I was going to have to make a choice this month whether or not I could be in love with this person and still be friends with them knowing they would never love me back.

BTW- we saw Orcas! So I had to throw in a second photo. Sorry it's grainy! All my photos are taken on my phone. I'm a broke bitch dreaming of a real camera. The good one I want is $10,000. Trust me it's what they use in nature photography.

Continuing in July. Feeling like at this point that I am sort of grieving the loss of something that never happened with this person. But also really grieving the death of someone that died that I dated years ago this month. It was a really heavy month. Really dealing with self doubt, imposter syndrome that had a chokehold on me. Just a lot of swirling thoughts this month.

August "Test Drive" - John Powell

This song is EPIC. I stood looking out at Lake Diablo when I got to the top of the mountain with both of my kids in tow. Like damn how many obstacles and mountains have we climbed to get to where we are now? So many! This lake is literally that color. It's not a filter. The sediment in the bottom makes it that irridecent color. It's absolutely something everyone should see at least once in their life time!

I also went to Forks, WA to heal my inner child this month. This was a huge deal for me. My family was ultra religious growing up. I had to hide the Twilight books in my locker at school because my parents thought that vampires were demons.

So I went this year and healed something in me in the next several photos with my kids. So I choose Twilight sound track songs to accompany certain areas. It's so beautiful here.

First Beach by far was our favorite. It was not only the most dog friendly, but this specific photo was the most breath taking photo of the boys I think I have ever taken. It really captures them and our sense of adventure. (This also was our Christmas card photo too lol.) But this is La Push "werewolf territory".

This beach park isn't where we stayed, it was actually an hour out of the way. But the "Tree of Life" is here. We plan to stay a whole week out here next summer in 2025. The sand was PERFECT here, and the trees were so cool!

September "Blue Foundation" - Eyes On Fire

We got lost in the woods on this hike. But I remembered during this hike how much my kids rely on me, and trust me. I never was able to trust my parents growing up in a very abusive environment. I worry so much as a mom if I am doing enough or doing a good job. And I realized that it's my inner voice that needs to let go. My kids see me for who I am, and I am not my parents. They love me as much as I love them.

My son and I sat down here as we got overwhelmed and we both agreed to deep breathe. So we actually sat down and meditated for a bit in the woods here. It was a really unique situation.

October "Daylight" - David Kushner

David's dad worked with me at an insurance brokerage, and the one thing he said to me was "I'm glad I sacrificed so he could pursue his dreams."

I realized in that conversation how much we sacrifice as adults to give our kids everything we didn't have growing up. This month I started volunteering at my son's school weekly, and every week at their school they have a nature program that they would do in lue of science class. It's called Wild Whatcom. And they would take kids into nature and teach them about decomposition. Focusing on a hands on approach in education.

I really thought to myself we never did stuff like this when I grew up and where I was at. I'm grateful that we moved here so they can have opportunities like this. They have no idea how blessed they truly are.

Also for Halloween my kids and I did a Jurrassic Park theme. So how could I not add the theme song to this photo. It's highly fitting, and Gatsby hyper focuses on dinosaurs and ocean life.

November - "Riptide" - Vance Joy

This song came up at the enterance of the mountain. This day was so sunny and peaceful. I just felt so centered in this moment with the boys.

December "Like A Prayer Choir Version" - Deadpool & Wolverine

A rain storm hit this month. We don't get thunderstorms often, but my Grandma once told me, "If you hear thunder, angels are bowling. If you see lightning, it means go in full force on your dreams. If you see rainbows it means change is coming." Guess who saw all 3 that day?

So that's the wrap for 2024. It's better than my Spotify recap.