Hi my name is Rachael and this is my reflection piece/memoir about how each idea led me back right here to where I am. I , when I was younger I was in foster care. I had only gotten in there because I told Mr.Wright who was my counselor at the time, I felt unsafe at home and that  I felt like running away. By the time I’d gotten there it was a very different atmosphere. It was a tall thick blonde lady . I honestly thought she was a German girl. The for me to get home was a dream I shortly learned when I asked for a pb and jelly sandwich and she had it crowbar locked! I felt odd. I felt oddly. I felt curiously out of place. It was ‘relief’straight when I was taken back to my moms place because I remember going to 3 foster care homes. Later on in life I realized I was going to be alright when I saw her at the ice rink for the last time. 

Haden hands down was the craziest night . I was beefing with my mom one night and I ended up at pole position. I had walked from here my house in Spanaway up pac avenue and north of jimmy rays house. Jimmy ray is a white Caucasian man I’d always try to get with. I did farther distances. Anyways…

I had met Haden at the door and he said hi my name is Haden and I said hi I’m Rachael. He was very kind. I felt so attended to like I’d never been. I was also keeping myself sly and sneaky at the same time. He shook my hand and held the door open to the bar. As we walked in he said go sit down as he went to the bathroom. I sat at the bar. On the barstool I sat there because I had a big yellow shirt on I had mastered what I was doing. He ordered me a whiskey and I was reflecting about college with the hot white men like Lincoln who sat in front of me i Glenn’s class. Best class ever! I never felt sooo loved when he peered in and kissed me! And so I grabbed the back of his head and romantically rubbed the side of his face and felt his tongue on the bottom right side of my gums. He was really kind to me. I was on my period at the time and I’m like needing a place to stay. So I told him that.

He acted fast. To me it was my first real kiss. And I wanted him to come to church. He said we don’t need church. After he kissed me💕I was in la la land.

He said hop in. And so I did. It was my only option.He was very helpful vrs. Waiting time. I ended up with him and Jason in the red Jeep Cherokee.I wouldn’t be surprised if it was my moms Laredo. Anyways.

It was a really long night. I realized I was going the wrong way on the highway. But love had me and my parents I could feel there shaking skin about my safety. I loved touching the back of his white neck and said I love you  like never before. He and I were like Bonney and Clyde. It will be never another as dangerous night in the wee hours that no one was around. I even told him I wanted kids. He took me to an isolated town. It was pitch black but I’d manage to hold my own. It was in belltowne. I knew how it look though. He takes me up there and we were on a hill. Where I kissed him again. He and I were very intimate. And then we stayed there the whole morning. I was up the whole time on the right side. I was so scared the entire time. I felt like he was a white man in this white town who did this for me and I’m a black women. I thank god I’m a Pacific Islander. He I realized after we kissed has a gun. You have to understand the story to get the gist. He said he was taking me to a party. But ended up isolated. We stayed up the rocky road the entire morning. We were there. I realize now that I get him. That he had been through some things,remapped that he dislike between his people. That gun scared the living xxxx out of me?!

Because if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be here right now. I was so scared but it was his way of telling me. Who he was & what he’d been through.

When I was away with him I felt the  freedom that always kept me captiving.

He called someone from his work and told him he’d be there in the morning. Is when I left. 

I didn’t want him to leave me but I had to trust that he was going to take care of me. Which I knew he was scared to. I felt scared but I didn’t want to feel scared at all.

In the morning we went back to Bremerton where we gave eye contact. Haden will always hold a spot in my heart. He gave me a feeling I can’t return. We were in Safeway in Bremerton after asking me for breakfast i saw him he had it on. A black Cowboy hat and some cowboy shoes. He looked very appealing .I won’t forget how it looked.

Returning home I took the ferry home. And I thought about him the whole time. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything. Regarding race it’s tough in these small towns. Especially if you struggle to take care of yourself personally. I took the ferry home. He had to go but now that I realize it. It was his way of saying I can’t.

Since then I have regrouped and snuck off in other parts of town with other men . I call them my other boyfriends. I met Jeremy at the commissary. And we planned to meet back at his place. That I was driving my moms ford explorer. I drove out to his place in Lacey. I had never found a guys house so quick in my life. He gave me an exit and I found his apartment in no time. I had skipped and snuck out of Thursday morning bible study. Didn’t come back home until almost nine pm. He was really attentive and I loved how we kissed. He was a one night stand. We really something. For him to invite me in his apartment was everything. Me finding him was everything. I find some men & I I work good together.

Jeremy and I on the other hand were at his place on JBLM for break time and I was invited in. And like any gentleman would ever do drove me back.  We again kissed and got scolded twice.

I ve been in so many car accidents. I thank God for his grace that s holding on by a gripped chin hair. One night I had decided to go the Matthew west concert and took the wrong exit because they were still doing construction on the road. Again I was invited my moms explorer. I felt like so scarred but in the port of Tacoma. Inside I felt so fearful but made it anyway. I had got clipped on the side . We thank God no one was hurt. I feel like such a xxxx up. My mother thank god for her drove us all the back home. Litterly lost her car because of me.

I tried to roll up the window and not only were the tires barely breathing air. The window on my side shattered glass. We had to throw her gold in the dump. It was so sad but I felt like I owed her. A recent one almost clipped me over 4xtimes.

When we went to Texas my sister was getting married. Her wedding was tough but it opened me to new fun and all that Texas had to offer. I felt like Selena Monroe. They definitely treated me like that. We got to go to Carlos and Mickey’s where j.lo left her signed autograph for the movie Selena 1998 . I remember . I was trying to dodge some of the Hispanics. They are loving when they are. You just don’t want to be on there bad side. Ultimately I wanted my dad to meet Carlos.

My site sissy’s wedding was fun. I tried to catch the bouquet 💐 as she threw it at the tile light at the top. She got married at grace gardens. Her choreography was good and dancing with ms. Ruby Lee was a blessing. She is my sisters mothers mother in Law. She was really something. And I liked how she explained to me how times were tough for her.

Germany was nice I thank god once again we got home safe again.

Dariusz Sankowski

Rachael’s Memoir

Rachael’s Crazy Map and Reflective Piece

Hi my name is Rachael and this is my reflection piece/memoir about how each idea led me back right here to where I am. I , when I was younger I was in foster care. I had only gotten in there because I told Mr.Wright who was my counselor at the time, I felt unsafe at home and that  I felt like running away. By the time I’d gotten there it was a very different atmosphere. It was a tall thick blonde lady . I honestly thought she was a German girl. The for me to get home was a dream I shortly learned when I asked for a pb and jelly sandwich and she had it crowbar locked! I felt odd. I felt oddly. I felt curiously out of place. It was ‘relief’straight when I was taken back to my moms place because I remember going to 3 foster care homes. Later on in life I realized I was going to be alright when I saw her at the ice rink for the last time. 



Rachael’s Memoir

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Rachael’s Memoir

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Rachael Frazier

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The Merging

This is an Exclusive Story for supporters of Rachael Frazier