The Absurd Evolution of Life Hacks: From Clever Tips to Cheese Graters at Work

Today, we’re tackling the modern mystery of life hacks. Once upon a time, life hack videos were a source of genuine excitement. They were the internet’s gift to humanity: simple, clever tricks that made everyday problems vanish like magic. You’d think, “Wow, I never thought of that!” and your life would improve, even if just a little. But now? Now it’s a comedy of errors wrapped in a how-to guide made by people who seem to have never lived a normal day in their life.

Let’s get something straight: life is hard enough. There are bills, responsibilities, loud neighbors, and the mystery of why the washing machine eats socks. The last thing we need is advice that adds more nonsense to the nonsense. Yet here we are, watching someone lug a step ladder to the beach.

The Beach Ladder Debacle

Yes, you heard that right. A step ladder. To the beach.

Now I don’t know about you, but when I pack for a beach trip, I’m thinking: towels, sunscreen, snacks, maybe a chair. But apparently, we’re supposed to bring a step ladder now. For what purpose? To jump into the sea.

Let me break this down. You’ve got inflatables to inflate, dogs to chase, sand to shake out of your shoes, and kids yelling about ice cream. You’ve got to find parking, haul gear across half a mile of blistering sand, and secure your barbecue from the raging UK wind. And now, on top of all that, you’re meant to drag along a bloody ladder so Mum can gracefully descend into the ocean?

How is this a hack? That’s not hacking life. That’s just adding furniture to a nightmare.

“Life Hack” or Just Using Tools?

The line between “life hack” and “normal functioning adult behavior” has become so blurred it’s basically non-existent. Watch any modern hack video and you’ll find yourself yelling at the screen, “That’s not a hack, that’s just doing it right.”

Take the classic example: someone struggling with a block of cheese. Instead of using a knife—or better yet, a cheese grater—they do something ridiculous like melt it with a hair dryer or shave it with a credit card. And the kicker? The caption proudly declares, “GENIUS KITCHEN HACK.”

Mate, just buy a sharper knife. Or cheese that isn’t tougher than a leather sofa. You don’t need MacGyver tactics to make a sandwich. A cheese grater exists. Use it.

And if someone has truly gone their entire life without realizing you can grate cheese? I’m sorry, but no hack can help you now. That’s just basic education.

Fancy Meals or Glorified Lunchables?

Let’s move on to “fancy” food hacks. I watched someone serve grapes and cheese—again, with the cheese—on a bed of charcoal. Now, maybe it’s just me, but charcoal is for grilling, not plating. No one wants to eat grapes while inhaling the ghost of last summer’s burgers.

This isn’t fine dining. It’s just pretentious snacks arranged like a Pinterest board gone wrong. If you served that at your house, I’d be asking for a takeaway menu. And honestly, if the meal looks like something a raccoon assembled behind a barbecue, I’m not interested—charcoal or not.

The Great Can Opener Crisis

Next up, the infamous can-opening hack. A classic problem: the can lid is stuck. Reasonable solution? Use a can opener. Obvious, right?

Wrong. Not in the world of hack videos.

Instead, they offer a spoon. A spoon. To open a sealed tin can. Watching them stroke the lid like it's going to whisper a password and pop open is like watching someone try to rob a bank with a toothpick.

Look, I don’t care if you can open a can with a spoon. That doesn’t mean you should. This isn’t the Hunger Games. If you can afford soup, you can afford a can opener. You’ll spend ten minutes scraping and risking tetanus, when a 90 pence gadget could’ve solved the problem in two seconds.

Again—this isn’t hacking life. It’s making life unnecessarily harder.

The Watermelon Wreckage

Then there’s the watermelon dilemma. These hacks assume we live in some post-apocalyptic society where access to a knife is rare, but watermelons are abundant.

Imagine this: you have a whole watermelon, no knife, and for some reason, it’s crucial you eat it right now. These people will suggest cutting it with dental floss, shoelaces, or even credit cards. Look, if you can carry a watermelon, you can carry a knife. And if you can’t, maybe don't buy melons.

Desperate? I once used my kid’s laminated homework to split a watermelon in half. Was it smart? No. Did it work? Barely. But the point is, life hack videos think these situations are normal. They’re not. If you routinely have fruit but no cutlery, that’s a lifestyle issue, not a hacking opportunity.

The Cheese Grater Foot File Incident

Now we move into the truly unhinged. A woman uses a cheese grater on her foot. On the stairs. While getting ready. I’m not sure what’s more dangerous: the stairs, the grater, or her sense of hygiene.

Apparently, this is a “beauty hack.” Who keeps a cheese grater in their pocket at work? What happens when you fall? Do you sue the company or the dairy aisle?

Seriously, if you’re at the point where your emergency pedicure kit includes kitchenware, maybe reevaluate your priorities. Or just buy a foot file like a normal person. They’re sold in the same stores. No one’s stopping you.

Five-Second Rule? Season It.

Sometimes, the hack is just: “Drop your food on the floor? Just season it and pretend it’s gourmet.” Honestly? This one might be the most reasonable yet. At least it doesn’t involve ladders or violence against kitchen tools.

I’ve dropped eggs, toast, whole meals. You know what I do? Pick it up, blow the dust off, sprinkle a little seasoning, and carry on. Call it "floor spice." It's cheaper than therapy.

Soap, Microwaves, and Radiation Dust

Then there’s the hack involving washing your hands with what looks like radioactive glitter. I don’t even know what this is. “It’s easier than soap!” she claims, while scrubbing herself with something that looks like Chernobyl-brand detergent.

You’re not hacking life, you’re turning hygiene into a science experiment. And judging by the slippery mess, she’ll drop the soap every time. If your soap flies across the room when you touch it, get new soap. Problem solved.

The Chocolate Puzzle

Finally, we arrive at the chocolate. You know how normal people snap off a piece from a bar? Apparently, that’s not good enough anymore. Now you have to twist, flip, pull, and do mental gymnastics just to eat a bit of dairy milk.

If you need a life hack to open chocolate, you may have officially lost touch with the struggles of life. That’s not hacking. That’s puzzling yourself out of pleasure. If you’ve ever solved a Rubik’s Cube faster than opening your snack, it’s time to call it a day.

Conclusion: Hacks or Hijinks?

So what have we learned?

Life hacks used to be clever. Useful. Sometimes even brilliant. But now, we’ve entered an era where “hacks” are just chaos disguised as creativity. Bringing ladders to the beach? Opening cans with spoons? Shaving your feet with a cheese grater? These aren’t shortcuts—they’re red flags.

It’s like the entire internet got together and decided that common sense was too boring. They replaced logic with spectacle, practicality with pointlessness. And we, the viewers, sit there baffled, wondering when exactly everything went wrong.

So here’s my real-life hack: don’t trust every video you see. If it looks stupid, sounds stupid, and feels stupid—it probably is stupid. Use tools for their intended purpose. Cook like a sane person. And for the love of everything, leave the ladder at home.

Thanks for watching (or reading), Dazzlers. Stay smart, stay safe, and maybe stick to old-fashioned life hacks like duct tape and sarcasm. They’ve never failed me yet.