How I Learned to Heal From People Who Hurt Me

Not every person who hurts you gives you closure.

Not every ending comes with answers.

And sometimes the hardest part of healing is realizing you may never hear the words you deserved.

For a long time, I believed healing required closure.

I believed I needed an apology to move on.

I believed I needed to understand why someone hurt me in order to feel peace again.

But life doesn’t always work like that.

People walk away mid-sentence.

Friendships end without warning.

Relationships break quietly.

People disappear without explanation.

Sometimes the people who hurt you don’t think they did anything wrong.

Sometimes they simply don’t care.

And sometimes… they care, but they can’t face what they did.

For a long time, this truth broke me.

⭐ The Hurt That Didn’t Come With Answers

It happened with someone I cared deeply for — someone I trusted more than I should have, someone I believed would always be gentle with me.

But people aren’t always who you believe they are.

One day, something shifted between us.

Not dramatically — just small things at first:

shorter replies

colder tone

sudden distance

canceled plans

avoided conversations

I tried to ignore it.

Then I tried to fix it.

Then I tried to understand it.

But the more I reached out, the further they pulled away.

And eventually… they simply left.

No explanation.

No honesty.

No conversation.

Just silence.

The kind of silence that feels like a door closing while you’re still standing in the doorway.

I waited for closure that never came.

And that waiting hurt more than the ending itself.

⭐ Step 1: I Stopped Expecting Closure From Someone Who Couldn’t Give It

For months, I thought:

“If I could just talk to them…”

“If they just explained what happened…”

“If they apologized…”

“If they understood what they did…”

But slowly, painfully, I realized something important:

People who hurt you and walk away are rarely capable of giving you the closure you’re waiting for.

Not because you're unworthy —

but because they don't have the emotional maturity, honesty, or courage to face what they've done.

Healing began the moment I stopped expecting someone else to fix the wound they created.

Closure stopped being something I waited for —

and became something I gave myself.

⭐ Step 2: I Allowed Myself to Feel the Hurt Without Rushing the Process

Everyone around me said:

“Just move on.”

“Don’t think about it.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“They don’t deserve your tears.”

But the truth is, the more you try to pretend you’re fine,

the deeper the hurt buries itself.

I didn’t heal until I let myself feel:

the confusion

the anger

the sadness

the betrayal

the disappointment

the loneliness

Not all at once.

Not dramatically.

But quietly — in small waves that came and went.

Healing isn’t about being strong.

It’s about being honest with yourself.

⭐ Step 3: I Stopped Creating Stories to Protect Their Actions

When we don’t have answers, we create our own.

Maybe they were stressed.

Maybe they were afraid.

Maybe I said something wrong.

Maybe they didn’t mean it.

Maybe they’re going through something.

Maybe I deserved it.

These “maybes” became mental traps.

I used excuses to protect their behavior instead of protecting myself.

But at some point, I asked myself:

“Why am I finding reasons to justify someone who couldn’t give me the basic respect of honesty?”

That question changed everything.

Sometimes the truth is simple:

They chose to hurt you.

And they chose not to fix it.

It doesn’t matter why.

What matters is that you survived it.

⭐ Step 4: I Learned That Closure Isn’t Something You Receive — It’s Something You Create

This took me the longest to understand.

Closure isn’t:

an apology

a final conversation

a confession

a clear explanation

a mutual ending

Closure is simply the moment you decide:

“This chapter cannot continue to control me.”

My closure came in quiet moments:

when I deleted messages I kept rereading

when I stopped checking their profile

when I stopped imagining conversations that would never happen

when I stopped rehearsing what I would say if they came back

when I accepted the relationship for what it was — and wasn’t

Closure wasn’t a dramatic breakthrough.

It was a slow unfolding — a gentle letting go of the story I wanted,

and an acceptance of the story that actually happened.

⭐ Step 5: I Forgave — Not Them, But Myself

People misunderstand forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn’t always:

“I forgive them for hurting me.”

Sometimes it’s:

“I forgive myself for staying longer than I should have.”

Or:

“I forgive myself for trusting someone who wasn’t ready to be trusted.”

Or:

“I forgive myself for not seeing the signs.”

Or:

“I forgive myself for believing I needed them to feel whole.”

Self-forgiveness freed me more than any apology ever could.

It allowed me to release blame, shame, guilt, and self-criticism.

Forgiving yourself is the final step before freedom.

⭐ Where I Am Now

I won’t pretend the healing was quick or easy.

It wasn’t.

But I no longer feel a knot in my chest when I think about them.

I no longer replay their silence like a question I failed to answer.

I no longer hold myself responsible for their absence.

The truth is simple:

Some people leave because they don’t know how to stay.

Some people hurt you because they’re hurting themselves.

Some people don’t give closure because they don’t have it within them.

And that’s okay.

Their emotional limitations don’t define my worth.

I’ve learned to move forward without explanations,

to heal without apologies,

to grow without validation,

and to close my own doors gently —

even when someone else left them wide open.

⭐ CLOSING NOTE

If you are waiting for closure, here is the truth nobody tells you:

You don’t need the person who hurt you to make peace.

You don’t need their apology.

You don’t need their version of the story.

You don’t need their permission to heal.

Closure isn’t a conversation.

Closure is a decision.

And you deserve to move forward —

even if they never gave you the ending you needed.

If this story touched you, feel free to subscribe.

I write about healing, quiet transformations, and the moments that teach us who we truly are.

This is the story of how I learned to move forward anyway.