how I get fired on zoom by myself

It was supposed to be a regular Monday morning meeting. Nothing special. Just another sleepy Zoom call with my boss, a dozen coworkers pretending to care, and my cat watching me silently judge my life choices. But five minutes in, I managed to spill coffee on my laptop, insult my boss, and somehow… fire myself. All thanks to one unmuted mic and my Monday brain.Let me explain

It Started with Cold Coffee and a Dead Mouse

I woke up late, which is normal for me. I rolled out of bed at 8:56 AM for a 9:00 AM meeting, slapped on a shirt (over pajama pants, of course), and grabbed a cold cup of yesterday’s coffee. I didn't even have time to warm it up.

As I logged into Zoom, my wireless mouse suddenly stopped working. I slapped it a few times like a frustrated caveman and finally got it going. I muttered to myself, “This job is a curse.”

Then I heard my boss say, “Morning, Ihsan. Care to repeat that?”

That’s when I realized…

My mic was ON.

The Mic That Betrayed Me

Everyone on the call had heard my muttering. Including my boss. I tried to recover by saying, “Oh no, sir! I said this job is first! Like, it comes first! I’m so grateful,

He just raised an eyebrow and moved on.

Plan B: The Classic Frozen Screen Trick

Now flustered, I decided to disappear. I pulled the old “pretend your screen is frozen” move. I opened my eyes wide, kept my mouth half open, and didn’t blink.

Unfortunately, I forgot my ceiling fan was spinning visibly on camera.

Worse — someone in the chat wrote:

“Nice try, Ihsan. Your fan’s doing laps.

Busted.

Chaos Strikes — Literally

Just when I thought I couldn’t sink any lower, I reached for my coffee and knocked it straight onto the keyboard. The screen flickered. The mouse froze again. I panicked and screamed, “Oh come on! This job is cursed, I swear!”

Yup. Mic still ON.

My boss coughed and said, “Ihsan, maybe you should take five minutes.”

But oh no, it gets better. I Accidentally Fired Myself

While trying to clean the mess, I frantically clicked around my laptop and left the Zoom call by mistake. I didn’t think much of it — until I got an email from HR that said:

“Sorry to see you go! Your voluntary resignation has been received. Exit interview scheduled at 3 PM.”

Turns out, months ago I had set up an automation script to test a "resignation workflow" for a friend. It was still linked to a shortcut key.

I hit that key.

I quit. Accidentally. On a Monday. On Zoom.

I fired myself.

The Aftermath

I called HR in a panic. “I didn’t mean to resign! That was a coffee spill, not a life decision!”

They laughed. “We were wondering if that was real. No worries, we’ll cancel it.”

But of course, the news had already spread. I became the legend of the office.

Now every Monday, someone jokes:

“Careful guys, don’t spill your resignation today!”

Moral of the Story?

Always check if your mic is muted.

Never fake a frozen screen with a moving fan in the background.

And please… never automate your resignation!

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